The Degrassi Academic and Mental Institute
by Fruityferret
Summary: Degrassi is a mental institution for 'troubled' teeneagers, and Clare's one of them, being the newest patient at Degrassi. And it turns out normal high school drama is nothing compared to what's in store for her here.
1. Simon's the Word

**Hola! So, this is my first Degrassi Fic. I've been wanting to right one for a long time though, but I had no fresh ideas. **

**But I decided on this one which seemed fun to right. I'm already on chapter five with it so, if you guys review and like it or whatever you do in these parts, then I'll keep updating. Thanks! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter 1: Simon's the Word**

***~*/*~*/*~***

Clare Edward's heart started to race as she stepped out of her dad's civic and onto the recently paved driveway. The building that stood in front of her was solid brick, and almost unimaginably large in size. She wondered just how many teenagers got sent here. Maybe it didn't matter, since she was just one more person forced here against her will.

"Are you ready?" Her mother's voice said from behind her as she exited the car.

Of course, she wanted to say. Of course she was ready to be dropped off at some mental institution for troubled teens out in the middle of some small town she couldn't even remember the name of. Of course she was ready to be stuck her for the rest of her school life, cut off from the real world, her home. And her friends just to be labeled insane by some know-it-all doctors every day of her life. She couldn't be readier.

Clare didn't reply to her mother as she smoothed down her flower patterned dress and went to the trunk to collect her things. At least they didn't have the kids in strait-jackets here.

Her dad circled around the car and helped her pull out her three suitcases. They weren't allowed to bring many items from home, which included laptops and cellphones and anything else that wasn't authorized by the doctors here. Clare hated the thought that even though he was fifteen, she was going to be baby-sitted by complete strangers.

"It won't be that bad, Clare," her father told her, closing the trunk and leading his family up the driveway. "You might even like it here."

Clare rolled her eyes. As if, she thought, slinging her duffel bag over her right shoulder and reluctantly following her parents into the building. At first glance, it seemed well kept. The front had a large curved desk and red carpets floors. The walls were painted a nice shade of tan and flowers on Venetian tables were placed all around. At least it took from some of her depression from being here, but not much.

From the double doors, an elderly man came through with two large men following close behind at his heels. The older man, Dr. Wok, was smiling, while the other two men behind him seemed to have scowls stapled permanently to their face. Clare wondered if she ran now, if those two men would drag her away screaming like they do in the movies then strap her to some gurney and lock her up forever.

"Clare! Mr. and Mrs., Edwards! We've been anticipating your arrival!" His voice bellowed, causing Clare to boil a bit with resentment. He acted like some long lost relative and friend. Maybe that's what he was aiming to seem like for her, but she was damned if he was going to give him the satisfaction of even a kind greeting. "Please, come into my office. My men here will take your things to your room," he looked at Clare, still smiling.

Clare reluctantly handed her duffel bag to the bigger guy as her dad did with her suitcase to the other. The three followed Mr. Wok through the double doors and down the hallway. Clare felt like the place was eerily quiet, and smelt like stale French fries and cleaning supplies.

They followed the older man down a few more hallways until they reached the end. He opened the door and Clare noticed his expensively decorated office with a great window view and a beautiful young woman sat on a chair near the wall, smiling. Mr. Wok sat down on his velvet colored leather chair and casually fixed his Ramir Clash suite. People must pay him a fortune to fix their kids.

He motioned for the Edwards to have a seat on the couch in front of his desk. They did and he immediately picked up the pen on his desk with the Institution's logo copied in red and white on the side and started to tap it onto the surface lightly.

"Welcome," he said kindly. Clare was really started to get pissed off by his constant smile. "I'm glad you chose the Degrassi program for your daughter. We're here to help.

Mr. Edwards smiled. "No, thank you. We really needed to find something for Clare. We tried therapy and we don't want to send her to a n actual mental institution."

Mr. Wok nodded. "We understand. Like I told you during examination, we like to keep things social and trivial for our teenagers. Schooling and counseling are our top priority, along with helping our patie- I mean students with their problems. Our program has proven to be very successful, and I've no doubt we'll be able to help your daughter." He looked at Clare. "Are you ready for your first day?"

Clare had to force herself from rolling her eyes at him. He acted like she was a five year old who was starting school for the first time. Did she mention his smile was really starting to get on her nerves? Well, it was.

"I guess," was her only reply.

"Clare..." Her mother's voice exasperated from beside her.

"No, it's quite common," Dr. Wok said. "Clare will open up in her own time. Which brings me to Ms. Haman," his thumb pointed to the woman on the right. "She'll be the one who leads your group and individual counseling every day or so."

She smiled and walked over to Clare, extending her hand. "Wonderful to meet you, Clare. You can call me Holly." Her voice was sweat and soothing, like cool honey sap dripping down a tree. To Clare, she seemed too normal to be running group sessions for crazy, hormonal teenagers.

Clare just shrugged and looked away. It didn't matter how nice they were, the cold shoulder was the only thing anyone in this room was getting right now, including her parents.

"I think you should go and let Clare settle in," Dr. Wok suggested to the Edwards. "I promise you, she'll be fine. Weekly calls and monthly visits are permitted."

They nodded and stood up. Clare did too, knowing the second they left, she was stuck here for good.

"Bye, Clare," her mother said, hugging her daughter tightly. Clare gave in and hugged her back, knowing that this was hard on her mom too, even if she's the one who insisted she come here. Too bad she wasn't normal like her sister, or there wouldn't be this problem.

Her dad kissed her on the forehead. "Don't worry. We'll come visit."

Dr. Wok led the three out of his office and to the hallway. Dr. Wok told Clare to wait while he escorted her parents out, and she said bye to them one more time before they disappeared around the corner.

For a moment, Clare found herself completely alone in the hallway. No Dr. Wok, or scary guards. Maybe if she was careful enough she could get out-

"Clare," came the honey smooth voice from behind. She'd missed her chance.

Clare turned and saw Ms. Haman, or Holly, standing next to a boy about her age, wearing a large hoodie and a gray beanie on his head.

"This is Adam," she presented him. "He's in your group and I'm sure he'll help make you feel welcome. Here's your room key." Holly pulled a key from her pocket with a yellow tag on its end and handed it over to Clare. "I'd show you around myself, but I have a meeting with one of the students. I'll see you in the morning." And with that, she headed off down the opposite hallway, disappearing out of sight.

"Welcome," Adam said, smiling. "Hell awaits you."

She looked up at the boy standing next to her. "Is this place really that bad?" She asked curiously.

"Not if you like scary security guards and crazy people." He started walking down the hallway and Clare followed.

"How many of them are there?"

"Security guards, or crazy people?" He asked for clarification.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Both?"

"Well, there are a lot of teenagers here. All of them with small issues to absolutely insane. When it comes to the guards, I don't know how many there are, but they all respond to the same name," Adam explained.

"Seriously?" Clare asked, not believing it. "What is it?"

"Simon," he said. "And I think they're all related. They all have the exact same scowl on their faces. They were probably born with it."

Clare giggled. She could barely believe it, but she giggled. She hadn't even cracked a smile since she found out about this place being her new home. Adam wasn't half bad and made her feel much more comfortable than Dr. Wok.

"Is there anything I should know about you?" Adam asked as he came to a stop. "You don't have to tell me what your problem is, I just want to know if there's something specific I should avoid saying or doing when I'm around you. You'd be surprised by the things that send people into an uncontrollable rage at random."

Clare blinked. Adam made it sound like the kids here were really insane; then again, it was a mental institution, even if they called the patients 'students' to make the families feel better about the place.

She opened her mouth to respond, but hesitated a moment. She hadn't planned on talking to anyone about her problems, but Adam's question seemed innocent enough. "Umm, no. Nothing specific. What about you?"

Adam shook his head. "Nope. I'm probably the most level headed person here. Personally, I don't think I have a problem. Well, not really anyway. I'm only here because mom thought it would... Help fix things."

Clare tilted her head, interested. "What do you mean?"

Adam bit his bottom lip for a second. "Well, if you read my papers, my problem's listed as 'mentally confused and a danger to self.'"

"So... You hurt yourself?"

"I used to..." He trailed off, still biting his lip and Clare could feel he was starting to get uncomfortable. She decided not to press it any further and move on to a different subject.

"Are you going to show me around or what?"

He smiled, seeming more like his previous self. "Sure."

For the next few minutes, Adam showed Clare around most of the building. Starting with the different corridors, the class rooms, the rec room when free time came along, the cafeteria, and to Ms. Haman's room. Not far from there they stopped and the end of another hallway where the door read 'BASEMENT, DO NOT ENTER.'

"That's the basement," he said. "If you haven't guessed it, you're not allowed in there."

"Why?" Clare asked. "Do they keep special things down there?"

"Well, let's just say the worst place in the whole building is down there," he said. "And you do not want to end up there. So make sure to follow the rules, and if you're going to break them, don't get caught."

"What's the place like? Have you ever been down there?"

Adam shook his head. "No, and I don't want to. Down there," he pointed toward the door, "Is 'Solitary'. They send you down there when you're in need of a serious timeout."

For a second, Clare seemed compelled to go down there and see what Solitary looked like. Was anyone down there now? Is that the only thing the basement was used for? What rules did you have to break to be sent down there?

Clare wanted to ask Adam more, but when she turned she saw Adam turn away and head down the hall. "Come on, I'll take you to your room."

She hesitated, then complied and followed him down that way. "So, where is everybody?" she asked. "Besides you, Ms. Haman, Dr. Wok, and the Simons, I haven't seen anyone else.

"Everyone's probably in Group or private meeting with their psych," he said. "And the ones who aren't are probably in their rooms or doing school work. It usually only gets active around here is around meal times and weekends. They like to keep us busy."

Clare followed Adam up the staircase to the second floor. The large, glass windows made this place bright and sunny. Right now, it didn't seem like an institution for kids and more like some vacation hotel. The upstairs carpets were the same red as the ones downstairs, but the walls were brown with paintings hung on them and stands with flowers, all yellow daisy's.

"Why aren't you doing any of those things?"

"You ask a lot of questions," he said, but responded anyway. "This week, our Group had morning sessions, and I'm not scheduled for any private meeting with Dr. Wok or Holly today. So here I am, showing you around."

"What about school? How does that work?"

He shrugged. "It's not hard. You just sit in a room for five hours doing work." Suddenly, someone came walking angrily down the hallway and pushed past Clare and Adam. Clare could see that the guy seemed beyond angry, his face red and his eyes unfocused as he stormed away.

"Hey!" She called after him, but he kept walking. "That was rude!" She said to Adam.

"That's Riley," Adam said. "He's got some serious Roid Rage issues. But when he's not angry, he's actually pretty cool."

Clare rolled her eyes. "Yeah, he seems like he's a pretty cool guy when he's not barreling people down in the hallway."

Adam laughed then paused. "What's your room number?"

Clare had complete forgotten about finding her room while asking Adam questions. She didn't remember hearing it from Holly. "Um, I don't remember. Did she say?"

Adam pointed to her hand. "Check the tag number on your key."

She did as he said and looked at her tag number. "It says… B-16," Clare told him.

Adam thought about it for a second. "Oh, that room is right… Uh-oh."

A look came over his face that troubled Clare. What was wrong? "What is it?"

"Let's just say, you're rooming with the Witch of Degrassi. Bianca DeSousa," he told her. He started walking again, down that same hallway and took a left. Clare followed close behind and they stopped at the door which read 'B-16' in large letters on the door. "You really are in hell now."

Clare sighed. "Just great." She unlocked the door and walked in to find it lacking any other person. There were two beds on either side of the room and her items were sitting on the bed to the right. The other side of the room was decorated in black and red with posters on the wall along with patterned rosaries hanging from the ceiling and bedposts.

"Whoever she is, she's not a bad decorator," Clare commented, walking in with Adam at her heels. She went to her bedside and started to open her duffel bag. "I guess the 'Simons' brought all my stuff here."

"Hey, if Bianca really starts to get on your nerves, just remember, Simon's the word, and they'll drag her right out of here and, hopefully, to Solitary."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Do you need any help unpacking?"

Clare shook her head. "No, not really. I just have to find out where to put everything along with my books and-"

A Loud knock came to the open door, interrupting Clare. "Adam!"

Clare looked up and saw a different teenage guy standing there in the doorway, his hair in spikes and he looked a little flushed.

"Hey, Zane," Adam said. "Is something wrong?"

"Riley went into one of his fits again and stormed off. I wanted to know if you've seen him."

"Yeah, we saw him storming off a few minutes ago, I think he headed down stairs," Adam told him.

"Thanks." And with that, Zane was gone just as quickly as he had shown up.

Clare watched him leave from her position on the bed. "Are the close friends?" Clare asked Adam, started to pull her clothes out from her suitcase.

Adam smiled. "Actually they're dating. Four months now I think."

"Awe." Clare sat down on the edge of the bed. "Are you dating anyone?"

"No." That uncomfortable look crossed Adam's face again, telling Clare that the question was a little too personal.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry," she said quickly.

"It's okay. I better go," he said. "I'll see you around dinner time." He left, closing the door behind him.

Clare sighed, wondering just what was up with Adam. He seemed so friendly and lay back, but every now and again when she asked a question, he went into this uncomfortable, closed up state. Why was he here? What did he mean by 'mentally confused' and his mom wanting to 'fix things'?

Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe asking questions here was a bad thing. She knew all too well what it was like when you thought you knew someone so well, but when you figure out their secrets, your whole view on them changes. It had happened to her before, and she didn't want to repeat her freshman year all over again.

She remembered that opening up was what probably got her here in the first place. Some things are just better left untold, and that was her motto now. And it applied even here in a mental institution, just like it did out in the real world. Maybe even more now.


	2. The Usual Routine Around Here

**Hihi! I totally liked the positive feedback I got from my last chapter, so I decided to put chapter two up earlier than I planned to. Yeah, you're special!**

**Disclaimer: I didn't put this up earlier, so here it is. I don't own Degrassi.**

**Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*?*~***

**Chapter 2: The Usual Routine Around Here**

***~*/*~*?*~***

Anya sat on the velvet leather couch in Dr. Wok's office. "What's up, Doc?" She said casually, smiling at the man tapping his pen on his desk. She'd been in here so many times before, it seemed routine.

"Hello, Anya. Wonderful to see your smiling face again." He said that just like always.

She laughed a little. Around here, people knew her as someone who always smiled, even the therapists. She loved to smile. It helped make things easier, and it definitely beat walking around here being depressed all day.

"Thanks. So, what are we doing today?" She asked, pushing her hair back behind her shoulders.

"Just routine," he said. He clicked out his pen and held it over his notepad. "So, how are your academics going?"

"Great," she said. "Passing with flying colors."

"Okay. How about socially? Everything going okay there?"

Anya nodded. "Yep. I'm getting along with everyone in Group just fine." Anya felt comfortable with his questions, being able to tell the truth. School was going good and she actually didn't mind group anymore like she used to when she first came here.

"So group is going okay? No problems there?"

"Not really. We talk and the activities are fun." So far, so good.

"So, are you and Ms. Haman therapy going okay? No problems there?"

"No. Opening up's been a lot easier now."

Dr. Wok nodded, scribbling down what she said on his yellow note paper. When he finished, he was quite for a moment, clicking his pen and adjusting his glasses slightly.

"So," he said. "How's your eating patterns been? Improving any?"

Just at the mention of eating her stomach twisted in pain, causing her to wince. "Um, okay I guess." And just like the normal routine every month, this is where she faltered and the questions became more serious and personal. This was the part where her smile was forced and dodging the answers was the only way to move on to a different question.

"Just okay?" He asked, eyebrow furrowed. "Have you improved since last month's visit?"

Anya looked away, not sure of what to say. "Well, I don't think I'm doing any worse." Or that bad at all, but saying that out loud would just put her in a deeper hole.

Dr. Wok stopped his clicking and set his pen down, leaning over his desk with his hands clasped together. "Anya, this is serious."

She sighed. And just like before, here came the lecture. "I know, but I don't see the big deal. So I skip a couple of meals, but I'm fine. I cooperate with group and go to therapy sessions and…"

"But that's not the point," Dr. Wok interjected. "Anorexia is a serious thing, Anya. "

"I know, Dr. Wok-"

He interjected again. "I don't think you do. You're a smart girl, Anya. What me and Ms. Haman can't understand is the root cause for your eating disorder. Do you think you can tell me why all of a sudden you reverted to this eight months ago?"

Anya sighed. Why can't he understand that I'm just not hungry? She thought. Once again, her stomach twisted in pain and had to force herself from yelping out with pain. "There's no reason. I'm really just not hungry."

He nodded again and scribbled down something else. "Have you eaten today?"

Anya started twirling her fingers in her hair. "Not much. Just mostly drank water today."

He looked at his watch. "Well, dinner's just started. Why don't you go with your friends and get something to eat?"

Anya shifted on the couch. Just thinking about going to the cafeteria and being around food made her sick. It might hurt to starve, but it hurt three times as much to actually put something in her stomach.

"Cmon Anya, we all care about you and want you to get better. The only way you're going to do that is by starting up regular eating patterns again. Malnutrition could kill you, remember?"

How could she not? She had this conversation with him every month. "Can I go?" She asked. "I promised the others I would meet them for dinner."

He nodded. "Okay Anya, thanks for your time. Remember Anya, come talk to me or Ms. Haman if you need anything."

"Thanks, Doc." Anya stood up, and happily left the doctor's office. She started walking down the hall toward the stairs, grateful to be out away from Dr. Wok and all his questions. Now if only she can find a way to avoid dinner...

"Anya!" A familiar voice called. Anya winced before turning to face the girl behind her.

"Hey, Holly J," she said, forcing a smile back on her face. And just like always, the gorgeous Fiona was standing behind her redheaded friend. "What's up?"

"What do you mean, 'What's up?'" She said. "We've been waiting for you forever. How did the meeting with Dr. Wok go?"

"Fine," Anya said, trying to sound normal.

Holly J raises an eyebrow. "Just fine?"

"Yes. Everything's okay." She really wished her friend would stop with all the questions. Sometimes they were just as bad as the doctors.

"Um, guys," Fiona interrupted. "Can we go to the cafeteria now? I'm starving."

Holly J nodded. "Me too." Holly J looked at Anya expectantly as Fiona started to walk away. Anya sighed and followed after Fiona, Holly J right behind her.

The cafeteria was full, teenagers sitting on tables, talking and moving around. The smell of recently cooked fish and potatoes made her empty stomach twist angrily and she winced visibly this time. She needed to get out of here.

"Hurry up, Anya," Fiona said. "The line's this way." The smaller girl grabbed Anya's arm and led her to the line.

The three girls picked up their trays and started moving down the line. Anya barely paid attention to the food being placed on her tray. Once they had their food, Fiona led the girls to a table near the glass window.

Anya sat down with her friends and stared at her tray, this feeling if disgust coming over her.

"Are you going to eat, Anya?" Holly J asked.

Anya sighed. Holly J always did this. She always looked out for her friends and help them in any way she could, even if she couldn't help herself much. It was just part of the routine they had around here.

Knowing she couldn't get out of it, Anya picked up her fork and dipped it in her coleslaw and brought it to her mouth slowly. As she swallowed, she looked up at the clock on the wall. She needed to find some way to leave soon without Holly J and Fiona on her back.

"So how's Group?" She asked Fiona, trying to get on to a different subject to distract Holly J from her eating.

At the mention of group, Fiona dropped her fish stick from her hands and rolled her eyes. "I can't stand it. I mean, I don't have a problem and Holly can be so annoying and Bianca is just icing to the cake."

Anya stared at the angry girl. Shed known Fiona since the day she got here and she knew just like everyone that she did have a problem. One her very rich parents had spent a lot of money trying to get her help before deciding to send her here. She was an alcoholic, and in serious denial about it too.

"I mean, Bianca think she rules the world and can push everyone around. Luckily she wasn't in group today."

"Where was she?" Anya asked.

Fiona shrugged indifferently. "How should I know? But it made it a whole lot easier ignoring everyone."

"You think she'd get in trouble for skipping," Holly J mused.

"Well, Holly seemed pretty upset by it. She even ended the Group session early. I really hope Bianca gets in trouble this time. She always seems to get away with everything," she added sourly.

Over the next few minutes while they talked, Anya noticed Holly j watching her every now and then. Just great, she thought, taking another bite of food and forcing it down. How am I supposed to get away? She kept staring up at the clock, keeping track of the time. She needed an escape…

"Hey, girls," Mark Fitzgerald said, popping up beside their table. "How's it going?"

Anya rolled her eyes. Of course he had to show up. But maybe… this could work.

"What do you want, Fitz?" Fiona asked, glaring him down.

Fitz smiled at her. "I came over to see if any of you wanted in on our little party tomorrow night."

"If you're implying that you brought drugs in again, then we don't want any part of it," Holly J said, turning away from him.

"Okay, well I want to hear from Fiona," he said, directing his sights back on her. "And if you want, I'll be able to get you something to drink that's A LOT stronger than water." He smiled even wider when Fiona's complete attention turned on him now, her eyes wide and wanting.

"You mean…"

He nodded. "So, what do you say?"

"She's not doing it." Holly J said.

"I can speak for myself!" Fiona told her angrily. Her attention turned back to Fitz. "Just tell me when and where."

"Like I said, tomorrow night. Basement." He winked at her then left to the opposite end of the cafeteria where his friends were sitting.

"I can't believe you just agreed to that!" Holly J yelled at Fiona.

"It's just a drink," Fiona said defensively. "What's the big deal?"

"Don't you even remember why you're here?"

Anya set down her fork. "I'm going to go to the bathroom," she said calmly as her friends continued to bicker over Fiona's drinking problem. Anya slid from her seat and casually walked out of the cafeteria, looking back once more before heading out the door.

The hallway was quiet as she walked down it, everyone either eating in the cafeteria or the outside courtyard. She sped up a little, heading toward the restroom at the end of the hall. When she walked in, she checked to see if anyone was around.

Empty.

Anya took a deep breath and went into the end stall. She started to puke up her recently eaten dinner, her stomach heaving violently to get rid of the little food that was in her. She just kept thinking that this was the only way to do it. The only way to get rid of the poison in her body. Holly J and the doctors just didn't understand. She couldn't be fat again. She couldn't stand the torment and looks that came along with it. She just couldn't!

When she was done, she leaned back against the stall wall, her body aching all over, and this awful feeling of dizziness coming over her mind and limbs. She sat there for a few moments, trying to catch her breath and will the pain in her abdomen to go away.

Anya didn't know how long she was there, but when she finally found the strength stand up, she opened the stall door and walked put. Nobody was here, and hopefully hadn't heard what she was doing. She was in the clear.

Still shaking, she walked at a slow pace to the bathroom door. When she pushed it open, she gasped in shock, and then grabbed her stomach, the sudden movement causing more pain to course through her body. "Holly J," she muttered. "What are you doing here?"

Holly J pushed herself from the wall, the look on her Face told Anya that her friend was definitely not happy. "What do you think I'm doing here?"

Anya didn't reply but leaned up against the bathroom door, feeling sicker by the minute.

"You know, Anya, I still don't get it. You don't have to throw up every little think you eat," Holly J said.

Anya shook her head. "You just don't understand…" She mumbled, disoriented.

Her friend sighed and shook her head. "Let's get you to your room." Holly J, wrapped her arm around Anya's waste and led her upstairs and to their room. She carefully laid her friend on the bed, Anya still clutching her stomach.

"You really got to stop doing this to yourself," she said.

Anya didn't reply and she rolled over in the bed, exhausted. Right now, Holly J's worries and lectures didn't matter. She really just needed some sleep.

***~/*~/*~/*~**

Meanwhile, Clare was in her room, reading quietly to herself on her bed, bag of chips sitting next to her. She had decided earlier she didn't feel like going to dinner. She still didn't want to be here, but if she could avoid it for now, then she'd take every chance she could.

Her room was quiet, peaceful. Her roommate, who she had yet to meet, hadn't shown up yet. Maybe she was rarely ever here, which worked out perfectly for Clare since she wasn't exactly sure she wanted to meet Bianca after what Adam had said about her.

She looked at the clock, seven thirty. She knew that the set bedtime was ten, and that's when everyone had to be in their rooms, preferably sleep since they had to get up early for Group and therapy, something she wasn't looking forward to.

Just then, the door opened, and a girl with surly hair and wearing a black sweater with matching boots and a red skirt walked in, looking pretty angry too.

She saw Clare and stopped in the middle of the room. "Who are you?"

"Sorry, I'm your new roommate, Clare," she introduced.

Bianca just stared for a moment, until a smile came over her face. "Cool." She walked over to Clare's bed and snatched the chips from her.

"Hey! Those are mine!"

Bianca shrugged, and sat on her bed as she started to eat. "What? I'm hungry."

Clare rolled her eyes. "Oh, real mature, Bianca. What is this, elementary school?"

She shrugged again. "Some of the people here qualify for it, that's for sure." She paused, eyeing her new roommate. "How did you know my name?"

"Adam told me," she said.

"Oh, the strange one," she said. "He's kind of cute, but I can't figure out what his deal is. I don't think anyone knows why he's here, and his brother sure as hell won't tell me."

I guess Bianca doesn't know about his self-harm issues, Clare thought. Wait, his brother comes here. "His brother's here too?"

Bianca nodded. "His step-brother. He's even cuter. He's got a problem with drugs though and I'm pretty sure Adam doesn't." She stopped talking for a minute, thinking. "So, why are you here? Klepto, Skitzo… Or if you have a fire fetish, I think you should meet the guy in B-7. You two would get along great," she said, sounding amused.

Clare shook her head. "No, I don't have a problem with any of that." Clare looked back at her book, trying to signal to Bianca she didn't want to talk anymore, but Bianca was having none of that.

"Well, tell me. I don't want to be rooming with someone who's batshit insane and tries to choke me in the middle of the night."

"I won't," was all she replied with, still trying to focus on her book.

Bianca got up and walked back over to Clare's bed and snatched the book away.

"Didn't you see me reading that?" Clare said angrily.

Bianca ignored her. "The Trials of St. Benedict," she read, the cover. "Looks boring." She dropped the book to the floor and handed Clare the empty bag of chips. "Next time, get saltier chips."

"Could you be any less polite?" Clare said, feeling outraged by Bianca's behavior.

"Hey, it's Degrassi, not the real world, and you just got to get used to the routine of things around here and learn to like it, 'cause people like you and me, never leave places like this." She turned on her heels and left, closing the door behind her.

Clare sighed, throwing away the bag of chips and picking her book up off from the floor. Bianca was right about one thing, this was Degrassi and not her old life she missed and wanted back so much. She would just have to get used to usual routine around here.

But learning to like it was a whole different ball game.


	3. Don't Worry, We're All Crazy Here

**Hello, bananas… Yeah, I don't know what that means either. I'm updating this again now because I have, awful news. I WONT HAVE ME COMPUTERR!**

**I'm so sad. It has this really annoying virus and If I take it in to fix I won't get it back till Thursday or Friday. So, I'm giving you this now because you guys won't see me for a while. Thanks sooooo much though for reading and Reviewing will make me SO much more happier.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter 3: Don't Worry, We're All a Little Crazy Here**

***~*/*~*/*~***

Clare's alarm clock buzzed loudly, waking her from a dreamless sleep. For a moment, she felt at peace, like she was at home, in her own room, in her bed, comfortable and safe. When she opened her eyes, that whole feeling changed entirely.

She looked at the ceiling, the walls, it was all so strange, different. The sheets felt unfamiliar and the pillows weren't as comfortable and the bed wasn't the same and soft like hers was.

Clare sat up, shrugging off the covers and swung her feet over the side of the bed. It was six o'clock and pale light was filtering through the blinds of the window. She saw that Bianca's side the room was completely was quite, her bed empty. Either she hadn't returned last night, or she was an early riser.

Clare sighed. She hated this place, which made her miss home twice as much. She missed her familiar room, waking up to the smell of her mom making breakfast and her dad's bitter coffee. She missed her friends and the freedom she had before being admitted here. Why, of all people, did this have to happen to her?

She stood up, knowing she didn't have much time to get ready for Group, which she still wasn't looking forward to so early in the morning. Clare showered and changed as quickly as possible, knowing Group started at about six-forty. She was fixing her hair when a knock came to the door.

"Hey, Clare," Adam said, as she opened it. "I had a feeling Bianca wouldn't be kind enough to show you where we're having Group, so I wanted to make sure you knew where to go."

"Thanks," she said. "And you were right, Bianca is a witch."

"Is she here?" He asked as Clare closed the door behind her, leaving the two of them in the hallway.

Clare shook her head. "No. I haven't seen her since last night."

"You weren't at dinner," he said as the both headed down the hallway.

She shrugged. "I wasn't really hungry. I just sort of wanted to spend the rest of the night in my room."

He nodded, and they were both quiet as they headed toward the last hallway and to stopped at the door which read, 'Group Meeting Room 3'.

Adam opened the door and Clare followed him in. She looked around and saw that chairs encircled the middle of the room, most of them occupied.

A pretty looking girl sat in the chair near the end next to a different guy Clare had never met. Adam walked up to the two of them. "Hey guys."

She girl smiled at him. "Hey, Adam." Clare saw Adam blush a little before it became silent. Clare cleared her throat to get Adam's attention which was focused solely on the girl.

"Oh, sorry. Clare, this is Fiona, and this-" he pointed to the guy sitting to her right, "Is my brother Drew." Drew smiled and Fiona gave Clare a little hi. Adam looked at the other boy sitting in the one seat to the left of Fiona. "And this is my friend Eli."

Clare stared at the boy in all black for a moment. He was cute, really cute. Unlike the others though, he didn't say hi. He just sat there, staring down at his black and silver bracelet.

Adam sat down in the seat between Eli and Fiona. Clare moved around and took the empty one next to Eli. She looked around, trying to take a mental picture of everyone here. A tall boy sat to her left, and next to him, two more guys and two other girls. The one at the end had long, blonde hair that covered her face. She was slumped down in her seat, looking reserved and a bit disconnected to everyone else. On the other hand, the darker skinned girl next to her was talking animatedly, waving her hands while the two guys next to her seemed to be listening intently on whatever she was saying.

The door opened and Clare saw Ms. Haman walk in, here hair tied up in a neat bun and that bright smile on her face. "Sorry, I'm late everyone." She sat down on the other end of the circle to face everyone. It immediately became silent.

"So, have you all met our new member to our group, Clare," she introduced. Holly introduced the others who Clare hadn't met to her left as, KC, Conner, Dave, Ali, and Jenna. They all said hi in turn, but nothing else.

Clare watched Holly count everyone in the group, stopping when she got to Drew. "Where's Bianca?"

He shrugged. She looked at Clare who shook her head, not sure where Bianca was either. Holly sighed. "Okay, well I guess she's not coming again. Does anyone know where she is?"

Ali snorted. "She's probably floating around on her broom somewhere."

The door slammed and everyone including Clare looked back to see Bianca standing there, her eyes narrowed angrily at Ali.

"Very funny, Bendari. Did you stay up all night thinking of that one?"

"Bianca," Holly interrupted. "I'm glad you decided to join us today."

Bianca shrugged. "It's not like I had anything else better to do in this rat-hole." She moved over to the last seat and slumped down next to Drew.

"Well, let's get started." Holly's eyes went straight to Fiona. "Let's start with you Bianca. You must have been having a lot of fun to miss Group yesterday. Care to explain what you've been doing."

Bianca sat up. "Well, not like it's any of your business, but I was busy."

"With what?"

She smiled. "You're the therapist here, so you tell me."

Holly sighed. "Okay, Bianca, you and me can talk later. How about you Drew?" She moved on, but obviously still irritated.

"All right I guess," he said. "Nothing new to report."

She nodded. "How about you Fiona? How was yesterday?" Was this all they talk about in Group? Clare thought.

Fiona smiled sweetly. "Well, yesterday morning was great actually. And it started the rest of my day off pretty good. I wish it could start like that every morning."

"And what made your morning so special?" Holly asked inquisitively.

"Bianca decided not to show up," she replied. "Not having to see her really brightened my day."

"Look who's talking," Bianca hissed. "Ms. Pretty and Spoiled Alcoholic. Shouldn't you be at an AA meeting or something?"

"You're a bitch!" Fiona screamed, standing up.

Bianca stood up too. "Well if you just realized that than you're even more shallow than you look."

"Girls, please, sit down," Holly said, trying to calm them down, but that ship had sailed.

"I cannot stand you!" Fiona went on. "I really can't."

"Then I guess it's too bad you don't have a bottle of Whiskey to drink away all your problems, huh?" Bianca sneered.

"For the last time, I don't have a drinking problem. You are the only problem I have here!"

"Wow, your denial is pathetic!" Bianca said. "But I guess that's just how it is when someone gets everything they wanted handed to them on a silver platter."

""You're asking to get punched!"

"Bring it!"

Immediately, Adam and Drew stood up. "Calm down, Fee," Adam said, grabbing her arm.

"Bianca, just leave it alone," Drew told her, getting in front of Bianca.

"Like hell I will." Bianca looked around Drew, a smug smile on her face. "Well, Fiona, are you going to make a move or are you too afraid to break a nail?"

Angrily, Fiona pulled from Adam's hold and lunged for Bianca, almost knocking Drew over in the process. Both buys regained themselves quickly and tried their best to pull Fiona and Bianca away from each other, and it wasn't going well.

"Will you girls please sit down?" Holly said, but she was ignored as the two continued to go for each other.

Clare looked over at Eli who seemed to not even notice the fight going on, just staring down at his hands. To her left, KC looked pretty uninterested, like he expected this to happen and didn't really care. But Conner and Dave were looking on with interest, while Ali was cheering. "That's right, Fiona, kick her ass!" The blond at the end, Jenna, was looking too with her head up for the first time, but instead looked absolutely terrified. Clare also noticed her eyes seemed red and she looked like she hadn't slept for days.

She glanced back at Holly, who looked pretty fed up by now. "Simons!" She called. And right on cue, two of the Simons walked through the door, in all white and scowls on their faces. Immediately each one grabbed the fighting girls and forced them to sit back down in their respective seats.

"Seriously, how old are you two?" Holly scolded. "Fifteen? You act like your five! Sit down and act your age or I'm sending you both to Solitary."

At the mention of this, Clare could feel the tension in the room rise. Fiona and Bianca stopped their yelling, and Ali stopped cheering and Jenna put her head back down so her hair covered her face.

Holly sat down and sighed while the Simons went to stand in the corner, their eyes locked on the occupants of the group.

"Okay," Holly said, exasperated. "Since we were interrupted so rudely earlier, why don't we just pick up where we left off? Adam, you start."

When Adam started to talk, Clare felt some of the tension die down. He seemed pretty open, but it didn't give anything away. Clare looked up, and almost shivered at the cold, hard stare she was getting from one of the Simons.

"Great," Holly said. "Eli, would you like to talk to Group about how've you been doing?"

Eli just shrugged, not looking up or acknowledging anyone else. He made it pretty obvious he wasn't saying anything else.

"Okay, how about you Clare? How have been since you've got here?"

Clare looked around, suddenly feeling nervous about explaining herself to the other kids here. "Um, fine I guess. Not really that exciting."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm feeling fine so I guess there isn't anything else to say." She thought it would be better not to mention what Bianca did last night, since she seemed in big trouble anyway. She also thought it was best NOT to get on Bianca's bad side, especially since they were sharing a room.

Holly accepted that answer and went on down the circle. KC, Conner and Dave didn't have too much to add. So far, Clare hadn't figured out why any of them were here for yet. But she had a feeling it would be obvious soon enough.

Holly got down to Ali, and asked her how she was doing. Ali seemed pretty optimistic as she answered. "I'm great. I haven't had a single urge all week."

Bianca let out a laugh. "Sure you haven't."

Ali cut her eyes at Bianca. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I saw you eying the Doc's watch yesterday," she sneered. "Care to explain?"

"Both of you stop!" Holly said. "If you insist on continuing this fight, you'll all be late for breakfast. We're not leaving until we get through Group correctly and maturely. Got that?"

Reluctantly, both girls nodded and sat back against their seats. Holly looked over to Jenna, her expression softening. "Hey, Jenna. So how have you been?" She asked in a kind and sweet voice.

The blond girl shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Um, I'm doing okay, Ms. Haman," she said in a small voice, barely making eye contact with Holly. "I… um…"

"What was that?" Bianca asked rudely. "I can't hear you."

"Bianca…" Holly hissed a warning toward the girl, but Bianca kept a smile on her face and went on.

"What? You're the one who said we have to get on with Group, and in Group we're supposed to tell everyone our problems, so," she looked back at Jenna. "Speak up. I want to hear."

Clare couldn't believe what Bianca was doing now. It was obvious unlike the others, Jenna wasn't going to fight her back, and Bianca was enjoying making the poor girl a target.

"Uh, um, w-well I-I…" She paused, nervously looking around.

"What's wrong, Jenna? Did you get a s-st-stutter overnight?" Bianca said mockingly. Tears started to run down Jenna's face as she began to cry uncontrollably. "Wow, you're such a crybaby."

"Why don't you just leave her alone?" KC, surprising Clare, spoke up angrily.

"And what if I don't?" Bianca asked. "You gonna set me on fire?"

"Why can't you learn to shut your mouth!" Ali yelled angrily at her.

"And why can't you learn to stay away from things that don't belong to you, Klepto!"

"That's enough, Bianca!" Holly scolded. "You're going to go to my office, and wait there for me. Understand?" She looked at the two guards in the corner. "Simons, escort Bianca and make sure she stays in the office until I get there."

Bianca rolled her eyes and stood up, knocking her chair over as she headed to the door, the Simons both following closely behind.

"Jenna, please calm down," Holly said. "I'll make sure Bianca leaves you alone from now on."

Jenna nodded, but tears were still pouring down her face. Clare felt awful for her. It was obvious Jenna had some serious problems, and Bianca just displayed them for everyone to see and threw it in her face.

Holly turned to everyone else. "Okay, guys, the meeting in over. I'll see you all later." Holly left, and the others stood up, leaving after her.

Clare stayed for a moment, wondering whether she should go get breakfast or go back to her room.

"Can't you control, Bianca?" She heard Adam ask angrily. Clare turned and saw that the two brothers were standing face to face.

"It's not my fault," Drew said defensively. "Fiona is the one who started the fight!"

"Well, she wouldn't have if Bianca hadn't come in here acting like a complete bitch."

"It's not like Fiona doesn't have problems either!" Drew huffed. "You know what? I'm done fighting with you about this." Drew turned away from his brother and stormed out. Adam left seconds later leaving Clare alone.

She sighed. So much drama in one morning. Clare stood up and walked out the room, heading back to hers. Best to avoid the drama as much as possible.

***~*/*~*/*~***

Holly sighed as she walked down the hallway leading to her office. She never thought it was possible to wake up and have one meeting which made her feel exhausted all over again. It seemed like group was taking more of a toll on her than actually getting everyone to open up.

She opened the door to her office and saw Bianca sitting on the couch, her legs crossed and her eyes glaring at the Simons. They glared right back.

Holly cleared her throat. "Thank you gentlemen. You two may leave." They both nodded and headed out the door. Holly took her seat on her side of the desk to face Bianca.

"How's it going Ms. Haman?" She asked casually.

"Bianca," Holly started. "Please, can you explain to me why you acted like that in Group?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I was bored and Fiona and Ali were really getting on my nerves."

"Don't you think it would be better to try to get along with the others, instead of fighting them?"

"Fiona started it," was what she replied with.

"But what about, Jenna? You made the poor girl cry, and she didn't say a word to you."

Bianca rolled her eyes, uncrossing her arms. "I was just playing around! How was I supposed to know she was going to go into a breakdown?"

"You know you did it on purpose," Holly told her. "But that's not all I wanted to talk about. Why have you been skipping?"

"I only missed like, three meetings," Bianca defended.

"You're not supposed to miss any. Now tell me why."

She shrugged again. "I don't know. I didn't have anything to talk about, and it's the same thing over and over again. I didn't see how it was worth it." Bianca looked up at the clock. "Are we done yet? I want breakfast."

Holly sighed. "Fine, you can go. But don't let me hear you've been causing trouble again or you _will _be put in Solitary," she threatened in a serious tone.

"Whatever." Bianca got up and left, slamming the door to Holly's office behind her.

Holly sighed. Bianca was the most difficult student she's had in a while. Unlike many, she didn't even pretend to participate, and openly made things worse. She needed to figure out some way to get to her before Dr. Wok decided to take action. Speaking of the doctor…

The door opened, and Dr. Wok came in, looking upset. "Ms. Haman, what is this I hear about a fight during your Group session?"

"Where did you hear about that?"

I was told by Fiona who came to my office absolutely furious," he explained. "Something about Bianca causing trouble?"

She sighed. "Dr. Wok, I know it sounds bad but…"

He held his hand up to silence her. "Sounds bad? It is bad! You should have sent Bianca to Solitary, or at least to me. I don't want her disrupting the patients. They have enough problems without her making things worse."

Boy, it sounded like Fiona really spilled everything to him, Holly thought. "I'm sorry, Dr. Wok, but I didn't because I feel like I might be able to get through to Bianca."

"I don't know," he said. "It's been months and Bianca hasn't made any improvement at all. Maybe Solitary punishment would be a good thing…"

"Wait!" Holly said, standing up. "Please, I'll find a way to help her, and the others. I want to try a few other things, and then we can consider Solitary. Please, just, give me a little more time."

He sighed. "I don't know why you're so lenient on them, but fine. We'll do it your way, but I expect to see some improvement soon. Did you know that your Group B have made the least improvement of all the other Groups here this year?"

I know, sir," she said, remembering the conversation she had with Madeline last week.

"If you don't make some serious improvements soon, the board's going to be all over our backs like they were in '04. We can't be in that situation again." Dr. Wok turned and left the office.

Holly sighed, sitting down in her black leather chair, wondering what she was going to do. Dr. Wok was right, no one in this Group so far was making much improvement at all. If she didn't find a way to make this work, she just might be out of the job, and they might never get the help they so desperately needed.


	4. When You Start Living Your Nightmares

**Yeah, I have me computa and Imah awesome again. Haha, so I hope you all had an awesome week and I'm glad I can get this up before tomorrow. **

**But this chapter came out WAY LONGER than I had planned it on being. Like way, WAY longer. No joke. It was like, I didn't even notice until I was done. So I hope it makes up for a weak of no updates. Like seriously, five thousand words! DA-YUMN! (That's 'damn' in ghetto slang)**

**So yeah, the bold are the note passing, and the italics are the voices. You'll understand what I mean when you start reading. Thank you luvs!**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter 4: When You Start Living Your Nightmares**

***~*/*~*/*~***

11:37 a.m.

Clare looked at the wall clock for the eighth time in a row. She was sitting in class, which was actually sort of boring, since all everyone was doing was work. The teacher just sat there, staring at the computer screen. A few times Clare actually thought she might be dead because she wasn't moving, but whenever there was even the slightest of noise she would shush the class.

She was also pretty hungry. Skipping dinner and breakfast and having Bianca steal her chips were probably the reason.

Clare felt a tap on her shoulder which brought her from her thoughts. She looked to her left and saw Jenna holding place a note on her desk. Clare opened her mouth to say something, but then thought about the teacher and decided to read what the note said.

**Clare right? I know how tough it is being new, but rooming with Bianca must SUCK, huh? –Ali**

Clare set down the note and looked around, trying to remember who Ali was. Next to Jenna was Dave, and behind him sat the girl she recognized as Ali from her group. Everyone from her group was here including a few others. KC was behind her and Conner was over by Dave and Adam. Beside her was Eli and over near the corner Bianca where she had her feet kicked up and Drew was next to her, fast asleep.

Clare picked up her pen and wrote down her response.

**Yeah, she's definitely not the nicest roommate ever, but she's not around a lot. Is she always so rude during Group? –Clare**

She handed the note to Jenna, who took it from her quickly. To Clare, she seemed really shy, but at least she wasn't crying anymore.

When the note came back to her, she read it and wrote her response quickly.

**To tell you the truth, no. She's not usually that obnoxious. She must be having a bad day or something. If she start to bug you, don't worry, I'll punch her for you. -Ali**

**No thanks. She's not in our room much and I think I might be able to avoid her if I'm careful. –Clare**

This time when the note came back, it was on a different subject entirely.

**Don't you think the guy next to you is SUPER hot? –Ali**

Clare looked over to her right where Eli was sitting. He was twirling his pencil in his hands, looking far away as usual. He hadn't said anything to her yet, and she wondered why. He seemed pretty distant with everyone, even Adam, who said they were friends.

**Do you know what's up with him? I don't think I've heard him talk once. –Clare**

**I'm not sure. All I know is that he's been suffering from some major depression for months now. He doesn't talk much to anyone except Adam. Too bad too, he's really cute. –Ali**

**Yeah, I agree with you there. –Clare**

Clare felt a little strange as she sent the note back. Not that she hadn't sent notes before, but she was talking to this girl she barely knew about the people in here. But things obviously weren't normal here.

Before the note had time to come back, the bell for lunch rang. Thankfully, Clare got up and headed out of the classroom along with everyone else. As she walked out, Adam stopped her.

"Why don't you sit with us?" He motioned to Eli who was standing behind him.

She couldn't help but blush at Eli staring back at her. He really was cute. "Um, sure. Why not."

She followed Adam and Eli to the cafeteria. Being the first time here, she was surprised to see so many students sitting at tables, walking around and talking like everything was normal. It reminded her of her old high school.

The food smelt delicious as she and the two boys headed down the lunch line. There were so many different things to pick from! She decided just to get a salad though and eat more for dinner. They probably would have even more then.

Adam led them through the side door out the cafeteria and outside. Clare thought the sun felt great. She hadn't been outside since she'd come to the place and being stuck in the same room for three hours had made it feel three times as good.

They sat down at a table next to an giant oak tree, shading the table. "It's pretty nice out here," Clare commented, looking around at the neatly done lawn and the courtyard with basketball hoops.

"Yeah, this place is just awesome," Eli muttered, rolling a French fry between his fingers.

Ali was right, she thought. Eli is pretty depressed.

"Hey guys!" Ali's loud greeting surprised Clare. "How's it going?" She asked as she sat down. Jenna followed right behind and sat next to Ali. Her head was down, refusing to make eye contact. Clare couldn't help but see the two as complete opposites. Ali seemed loud and confident all the time and Jenna seemed so reserved and scared of every little noise.

"Did you guys know that Bianca is getting put in Solitary?" She said.

"Seriously?" Adam gaped.

"Well, not yet any," she admitted. "After this morning, Fiona went to Dr. Wok and told him what happened in Group. She said told me that if Bianca causes anymore trouble that's exactly where she's going."

"It's about time," Eli mumbled.

"At least she'll get what she deserves for patronizing Jenna," Ali agree. "Right, Jen?"

Jenna shrugged. "I guess," was her only reply.

"You guess?" Ali said, shocked. "C'mon, you must have to want to get her back for what she did to you this morning?" Clare was shocked too. Bianca made her cry, yet she didn't seem to care.

She shrugged again. "It doesn't matter. It's not like I didn't deserve it."

"But you didn't!" Ali protested.

"But it's true!" Jenna said, her voice whining loudly in despair. "I am a crybaby and I'm not normal like anyone else. She was right." Jenna abruptly stood up and left.

Clare was surprised at her outburst. Why did Jenna believe all of that about herself? Clare looked at the others. They didn't seem to fazed about it. Was that normal behavior for her? Clare mentally slapped herself for wondering that. They were at a mental institution for troubled teens. Normal here, was stretched far beyond its normal means in the real world. She'd just have to get used to it.

*~/*~/*~/*~

2:13 a.m.

Jenna stared at the digital clock on her nightstand as the thirteen changed to fourteen. She sighed. Once again, she was lying on her bed, staring at the clock, bored and alone. Well, not completely alone. Truth was she had been entertained by her best friend and roommate Ali since one-thirty. But Ali, just like everyone else, needed sleep.

Jenna averted her eyes to her friend lightly snoring in the bed on the other side of her room. Ali had fallen asleep during their conversation, which wasn't unusual. Jenna kept her up constantly talking, just because she knew she wasn't getting to sleep.

_You're so selfish!_

"No, I'm not," Jenna mumbled in weak defense. "Ali said she doesn't mind…" Ali had told her countless times she didn't mind staying up late with her. But maybe… maybe Jenna was acting selfish. Maybe it was just the pity Ali felt for her that kept her up with Jenna late throughout the night.

_Everyone pities poor crybaby Jenna._

She sighed. That mean, annoying voice in her head was always saying things like this to her. And it was right most of the time. She was a crybaby, and pitiful. And it tortured her, making sure she never forgot it.

Jenna turned to stare at the ceiling. Over the past two months she'd been here, this is what she spent most of her nights doing. Staring up at the ceiling, or out the window or at the clock, waiting for morning to come. She's memorized every chip, every crack, every little detail about the room since she'd been admitted to Degrassi. All because she couldn't sleep.

It wasn't like she had Insomnia… Well, she didn't think she did. But she was terrified to sleep, and so she didn't. But maybe she did have some sort of Insomnia, because every time she did fall asleep, she got the nightmares.

Not just any nightmares either. Terrifying and creepy ones that made no sense. She'd been suffering from them ever since she was little. Ever since her mom abandoned Jenna and her family. That never bothered her though, since her mom didn't care about her when she had been there, so what difference would it had made if her mom stayed. Would she not be in here? Would the nightmares and voices cease to exist in her world?

Jenna doubted it. Her mom was probably the cause of it all. It started with the taunts. You think the first day of school would be the first time you were ever bullied, forced to cry, treated like crap and left out of other people's lives. But no, that was home. That's what her 'mother' did to her, if she deserved to be called that anyway.

She remembered how many times her mother said 'I hate you!' It was fifty-seven times. How many times had her mother said 'your ugly!' or 'you disgust me!' or 'I can't stand you!' and her mother's favorite 'I wish I never gave birth to you!'. Eighty-three. How many times did she threaten 'I'm leaving!' before she actually packed up and left Jenna's life forever? Forty-nine. She'd kept track, and to hell if it didn't chip away at her self-esteem every single time.

She was eight when her mom left, and that's when she first remembered the dreams. That night, a dream of complete darkness. She was stuck in complete darkness. Was it a box? A closet? A grave? Some sort of subconscious hell? Jenna didn't know, but it did scare her. She screamed for help, and all she ever got back in reply were the taunts, the venom, the pure hate. She was alone, and it was terrifying. So she avoided sleeping, and it had become a habit. So was it forced Insomnia? Did that even exist?

But now, for a complete year now she'd been hearing the voices, and they were just as bad. One morning, she'd woken up from one of the worst nightmares yet. She was being chased, by what, she couldn't remember. She was too terrified, and it was so dark! And those taunts, those voices were yelling at her as she ran, desperately seeking help. But this dream ended differently. This time when she woke up, the voices were still there. And it stayed there. Now it wasn't just an awful occurrence when she fell asleep. Now, the voices haunted her when she was awake, and when she did sleep, and dream those terrible, she'd wake up to the voices taunting her some more. And they'd tell her to do things, things she didn't want to do.

It was just better if she didn't sleep, then she wouldn't dream. Then maybe, the voices would run out of thing to taunt her with and leave her alone.

_I'm never leaving. So get used to it!_

Jenna sighed. The voice was persistent, and trying to get rid of it in her own had proved to be another bashing to her mental health. Maybe telling Ms. Hama and Dr. Wok about them would help…

_Are you stupid? Well, of course you are, but that idea is even dumb for you! It's a bad idea!_

"But, what if they can help?"

_They won't help you. They'll just deem you crazy and lock you up for good, and then everyone will forget about you. You don't want that to happen do you? Don't you want to savor what's left of your pathetic life?_

Jenna gulped, feeling tears stinging her eyes. "I guess not…"

_Good, then keep your mouth shut. And besides, I'm not going anywhere._

Jenna sighed. She wished the voices would just leave her alone. She felt awful admitting that when her mom left, she was relieved. Relieved that her mom's cruel, angry, disgusting voice and presence was gone and no longer there to torture her day in and day out. But of course, now she had voices that knew her every thought, every little weakness, and was everywhere she went, waiting for her to sleep, to dream! Just waiting to make her an open target, and hitting it over and over again with the sharpest weapons, blood running over cold the cold steal she was forced to be subjected to over and over again. And the voices were right, the doctors couldn't help. What was the point? She didn't even deserve the help.

Her roommate let out a grunt in her sleep, and Jenna looked over at the clock. It was almost two-thirty. Almost four hours until it was time to get up.

She sighed. It was obvious she wasn't getting to sleep, not like she wanted to anyway. Jenna stood up from her bed and quietly tip-toed out of the room, making sure not to awaken Ali. She closed the door quietly and looked up and down the hallway, making sure the Simons weren't around. She knew they weren't, due to her countless nights of staying awake and listen to their footsteps and patterns as they patrolled the hallway. They shouldn't be back through here for another hour. But it didn't hurt the check.

For a second Jenna hesitated, feeling uncomfortable and scared. Maybe she should go back. She wasn't good at sneaking around, nor was she one to usually break the rules after lights out. That was more of Ali's thing, but, she needed to do something to get her mind off of the nightmares and voices. Maybe she needed to break the rules for once. For the first time in her life, be brave. That would show Bianca.

Jenna took a deep breath and started walking down corridor after corridor, feeling nervous when she came to hallways which were completely dark. It sort of reminded her of her dreams. Nothing was familiar, and the darkness started to engulf her. But this time, there were no voices, yelling at her, taunting her and laughing at her fear.

Where were the voices? Usually they were never this quiet for this long. Maybe coming out her in the middle of the night, being brave for once, they had nothing bad to say. If they had nothing bad to say, they were quiet. It made her feel more confident, and Jenna started to move more freely and surly as she walked.

Eventually she came to the stairs and took her time walking down them. Once at the bottom, she paused, wondering where she should go next. She hadn't really thought that far ahead yet. She hadn't even thought she was going to get this far without being caught. Maybe this was her lucky night.

She decided just to keep going, listening out for footsteps or any signs of the Simons, or Rockheads, as Ali like to call them. When she did hear footsteps though, she froze. Oh no, she thought. What do I do?

_Hide you bonehead!_

Gulping, Jenna looked around to see where to hide. The footsteps were coming from down the hall and it was too dark to see anything that wasn't a few feet away. She felt her should bump into something heavy and metallic. When she realized it was the vending machine, she moved around its side to hide herself from view.

Within second, a dark shadow of a person walked by, not noticing her. Whoever it was kept walking down the hall, barely making any noise other than their footsteps.

_Guess that means it time to head back to your room._

For once, Jenna ignored the voice, mostly because of her curiosity. Whoever that was didn't seem like one of the Simons. But where would somebody be going this late at night? Well, she wanted to find out.

Sliding from around the vending machine, Jenna quietly followed the direction of the footsteps. After a few turns, she started to lose track of where they were going. She'd only been in Degrassi for two months, and didn't know her way around very well yet. Why did it have to be so dark?

Instead of turning around, Jenna kept on walking for a few minutes, trying to find her way around. Eventually she came to a door partway open at the end of the hall. She gulped when she realized she was right in front of the basement.

Jenna wanted to leave. Hell, her first instinct in situations like this was to run and hide somewhere. But she had come all the way out here, and she'd been so brave before. This was the first time she could recall ever doing anything like this, and it surprised her that she'd even gotten down here. If she didn't do this, then she'd just be running away again, and the whole thing would've been pointless.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the already ajar door, and gaped at the darkness. She could only see about one or two steps before it seemed like the rest of the staircase ascended into infinity. You have to be brave, she told herself.

Jenna started to slowly descend the stairs, placing her feet carefully on each step. She'd never been down here before, which made her all the more unsure of where she was going, and made it all the more scary, and definitely made it more exciting.

Once she was at the bottom of the stairs, the darkness had completely engulfed her. What do I do now? She wondered, trying to adjust her eyes.

_Go back dumbo! There's nothing to see here!_

She huffed in ignorance, deciding to ignore the voice again. Its insults were just driving her to keep going.

Suddenly, she heard a loud bang that made her jump and all her hairs to stand on end. She closed her eyes, expecting to feel someone come after her, or grab here in the darkness and drag her away like what she always anticipated in her dreams.

But it didn't. She also heard something else farther away… Was that laughter? Feeling a little better, Jenna started to follow the sounds. Eventually, she started to hear muffled voices. As she kept walking, and it felt like it had been forever, but it was more like twenty minutes, due to her having to find her way around in the dark. She finally got to an area where there were small windows, filling the room with a tiny bit of light. The voices grew louder as she found herself in front of the door which had an 'S' on the top. Whoever they were, they were somewhere behind that door.

Slowly, she started to open the door. A light bulb was on overhead and she was glad to have some light finally. Jenna started to walk along the path aligned with boxes towering up as high ten. Bulbs were about ever twelve or so feet away so there were still some patches of darkness. After a few minutes, the voices became completely clear, and so did the smell of smoke. Loud and happy. Jenna tiptoed quietly to the wall of boxes and peeked over the corner.

She gaped at the amount of kids sitting around, talking and having fun. It had to be at least thirty. But when she looked closer, she could see the drugs and suddenly it all made sense. She had just stumbled onto a rave party in the basement!

"I told you guys I'd be able to get the stuff," Bianca's voice rang over the room. Jenna heart skipped a beat and she shut her mouth. Bianca was so close. Actually, she was right on the other side of the box she was hiding behind.

Jenna didn't know everyone by heart, but she did recognize some people. She saw Peter smoking with Bobby and Owen over in the corner. She was surprised not to see Drew, who was usually wherever Bianca was, like a lapdog.

"Are you having fun, Fiona?" She heard Fitz say.

Jenna craned her neck slightly to see Fitz sitting on a box with Fiona next to him. Fiona wasn't looking at him, but the bottle of wine in her hands. How did they get all of this past security? Jenna wondered in disbelief.

Fitz moved closer to Fiona, but she pushed him away with a flimsy arm wave. "Back, up, Fitz. I told you I only came here for a drink," she said, obviously drunk. Jenna looked on in shock when she noticed Adam sitting not far from Fiona, rolling his eyes. Why was he here?

Bianca lit another cigarette and puffed out some smoke. Jenna had to shut her mouth and force herself not to cough, inhaling the awful fumes.

"I still think you should have gotten some of those pills," Bobby said, walking over to Bianca.

She waved the cigarette in her hand dismissively. "If you want them so bad, why don't you just sneak into the nurse's office and get them yourself."

"You know we're not going to be able to get in the back," he said. "But we could've sold them."

She seemed to think about it for a moment. "I'll think of something."

Jenna gulped. She had this feeling that she really shouldn't be here, and she really shouldn't be listening to this conversation. It was time to get out of here.

"What are you doing?" a deep voice said from behind her.

Jenna twirled around in surprise, catching her foot and falling backward, knocking the top boxes with her elbow as she hit the floor. She looked up in time to see one of the boxes land right on Bianca's head.

"What the fuck?" Bianca shrieked.

Bianca's eyes shot to the floor where Jenna had fallen. She gulped, and saw that everyone else's eyes had fallen to her too. Ho no, she thought. This isn't good.

"Why the hell are you here?" Bianca asked, furiously kicking the box which had landed on her head.

From behind her, the holder of the voice which had frightened her moments ago walked out from the shadows. "Jenna?" Drew's voice asked quizzically. "Why are you here?"

"I just asked that!" Bianca continued to yell.

Jenna opened her mouth, then shut it closed immediately, fear taking over. She didn't know what to say, nor had an explanation.

_You should've listened to me!_

I know, she thought. Jenna quickly stood up, her legs shaking and feeling this overwhelming sense of nervousness with everyone staring at her.

"Answer me," Bianca commanded. When Jenna didn't she rolled her eyes. "What, did you forget how to talk?"

"No," Jenna said.

"Well, then answer me!"

She gulped. "I, um… Was walking around a-and saw someone come down i-i-into the basement and I followed," she explained. "I-I'm sorry about the box."

"You should be!"

"Bianca, calm down," Drew told her, putting his hand on her shoulder which she promptly batted away.

"I will not calm down. She snuck down here without you or anyone else knowing. And now she knows…" Her voice trailed off, a strange look Jenna couldn't read coming over her face.

Bianca walked up to Jenna, facing her with cold eyes. Jenna felt terrified and glued to her spot. Why hadn't she stayed in her room? Why hadn't she listened to the voice and went back when she had the chance? One could only imagine what Bianca would do to her now.

"P-please don't hurt me," Jenna begged, her body shaking all over.

Bianca laughed. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're not?" Jenna said, blinking in surprise.

Bianca shook her head and held her cigarette up near Jenna's face. "Want a hit?"

Jenna coughed and shook her head. She detested smoking and drinking almost as much as she hated the voices in her head. They were all something, if she could, she'd erase from oblivion.

"Whatever." Bianca dropped the cigarette to the floor and stomped it out. "Now, what should we do about you?"

Owen smiled. "I say, we have some fun." He moved around toward Jenna, smiling at her with lust in his eyes.

"Please, let me just go. I leave right now," she said, turning to leave, but Bianca caught her wrist and pulled her back.

"I can't do that," she said. "I mean, I would but, how do we know you won't talk about what you saw?" She asked earnestly.

"I won't!" Jenna rushed. "I promise, I won't tell anyone! I just want to go back to my room."

Bianca just stared at Jenna for a moment before smiling. "You are adorable," she commented, letting go of Jenna's wrist. "Don't worry, Jenna, I believe you. But still, you know… so we might as well make you useful."

"What?"

"I know you heard the conversation between me and Bobby," she said, motioning to the boy standing next to her.

"I d-didn't," Jenna contradicted, feeling this urgency to run, but her legs still wouldn't move.

"Don't lie to me, Jenna. I'm not stupid," she said, putting her arm around Jenna's shoulders. "All you have to do is simply do me a favor."

"What is it?" Jenna choked out.

"We want some of the drugs that are in the lab connecting to the infirmary," Bianca explained. "But of course, the doctors don't trust any of us anywhere near there."

I wonder why, Jenna thought, but kept the comment to herself, not wanting to risk her luck so far. "But why? And what does that have to do with me?"

"Simple. All you have to do is sneak in there and get the drugs we need. Why, is none of your concern."

"But I-I can't!" Jenna protested.

"C'mon, Bianca," Drew said. "You're not actually making her do this, are you?"

"Shut up," she hissed at him before returning her attention to Jenna. "I'm sure you can do it, and if you don't… Let's just say there'll be consequences," she added darkly.

Jenna wanted to protest, but she just nodded, knowing there wasn't much other option if she wanted to get out of here anytime soon.

"Great," Bianca said. "I'll let you know when and where. I guess we're done here."

"I'll take you back to her room," Owen offered.

"No," Jenna said quickly. "I can't get there myself."

He smiled, unfazed by her refusal. "No, I don't mind at all." He put his arm around her and Jenna shivered at his touch. Please don't let this happen…

Suddenly, his arm was moved off her. "Move it, Casanova," Adam said, cutting in between them. "I'll take her back."

"Why the hell should you do it?" Owen asked, obviously angry.

"Owen," Bianca said, annoyed. "Just let them go."

Reluctantly, Owen backed off. Adam reached for Jenna arm and pulled her away from the others, ungluing her feet to the floor. She was so relieved, unable to fathom the idea of her having to go anywhere with Owen, alone and in the dark and where it wouldn't matter how loud she screamed.

Adam pulled her out of the storage room, putting the two in darkness. "What we're you doing down here?" He asked, keeping a steady pace.

Jenna fought to keep up with him in the dark, trying to figure out where to put her feet. "I saw someone come down here and I followed. I know I shouldn't have…"

"You were right about that. You could've been hurt."

_I told you, you should've listened to me!_

"I know," Jenna replied, more to the voice than Adam. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." The two found the stairs a few minutes later and quickly climbed them to the door. Jenna felt a little safer now, being out of the basement and away from Bianca and Owen.

"Why were you down there?" Jenna asked.

Adam sighed. "Fiona," he replied. "She came knocking on my door and asked if I'd come with her to make sure Fitz didn't try anything. I tried to convince her not to go, but then she went into this thing about only wanting one drink but she ended up taking it too far."

"That's how it always is," Jenna mumbled sadly, putting her head down.

Adam stopped and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"My dad…" she said. "When my mom left me I lived with him and my brother. He used to drink all the time, and he said he didn't have a problem," Jenna told. "He always said, 'just one more drink,' or 'this is the last time.' But it always turned into ten drinks and then he said 'just one more time' over and over again. That's just how it always is."

"I like Fiona," Jenna continued. "You do too. You should try to help her, because it doesn't get better. Not on its own anyway."

Adam nodded and led her up to the second floor. As they walked down the hallway leading to her room, Jenna wondered what she was going to do about Bianca. "Adam, what should I do about the drugs Bianca wants me to get?"

"I don't think you should," he said.

"But it's not like I have a choice. Bianca will make my life a living nightmare if I don't do what she says." Not like she wasn't already living one. "I mean, I'm not even sneaky or good and that type of thing. I know I'll blow it!" She whined, leaning against the wall and sliding to the floor.

Adam sighed. "I wish I there was something I could do to change her mind, but I don't have any say in what Bianca or anyone else does. But, I'm sure you'll find a solution."

_You'll probably just blow it, and make things worse like you always do._

Jenna felt tears run down her face. Anything Adam said was contradicted by the voices in her head. Why couldn't she just of lost herself in the darkness? Why did she have to stumble on their stupid party?

"I'm scared," she mumbled, wiping her eyes.

"Don't be," Adam said reassuringly. "If there's anything you need help with, just ask. I promise."

Jenna looked up and smiled. "Thanks." Adam outstretched his hand and helped Jenna to her feet. "I better get back before Ali wakes up and asks me where I've been."

He nodded and they both walked up to the door of her room. She turned to him before opening the door. "Do you really think I'll be able to do this?"

"You'll make it through, don't worry. Now, I got to get back to Fiona. I don't trust Fitz or Owen." With a final nod, he turned and back down the hall, disappearing into the darkness.

Jenna quietly opened the door into her room and slid into her bed. She glanced at the clock and saw it was almost four o' clock, and suddenly, for the first time in weeks, she felt this feeling of undeniable exhaustion come over her. She knew what she had to face in the morning, and probably even worse things in the days to come, so for now, Jenna welcomed the darkness of her nightmares. Just this once, because nothing compared to what she went through tonight. Maybe Adam was right and she would make it through this somehow

_Don't count on it._

She ignored the voice and closed her eyes. For once, she didn't care what it said. She was way more intimidated by Bianca than the voice right now. And she already lived herself a nightmare, so maybe, this time, she'd get to sleep in peace.

And surprisingly, she did.


	5. Giving Insane A Whole New Meaning

**Okay, not much time for introductions or sorrys but I'm in a rush because I'm heading to my friend's house. Sorry for mistakes, I'm not perfect, blah, blah, blah…**

**Thank you and please REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter 5: Giving Insane a Whole New Meaning**

***~*/*~*/*~***

Fiona rolled over in her bed, her alarm clock buzzing at its loudest, causing her to moan in pain and annoyance. She reached her hand over and hit the snooze button.

What time is it? She thought, blinking her eyes open slowly. And why is it so God damn bright? Fiona reached her hands up to her head, grabbing it to try to stop the insistent throbbing. Slowly, she started to recall the events of last night and she sighed. She'd had decided to go, even though she knew if Holly J found out she would kill her. Oh well.

She blinked her eyes open, more slowly this time, trying to adjust to the brightness, Why was it so bright? She always kept the blinds closed and she wouldn't have left the light on. So, why was it so bright? And why did it seem to be moving?

"I guess you're awake," a voice said from above her.

When her eyes adjusted she realized there was a flashlight shining in her face, and an unfamiliar girl wearing glasses staring back down at her.

"Who the hell are you?" Fiona asked, sitting up quickly then instantly regretting it due to her massive headache. "And why did you have that flashlight in my face?"

The girl smiled and clicked off her flashlight. "My name's Imogen Moreno, two year patient here at Degrassi," she said. "And to answer you're second question, I was studying your sleeping behavior."

"What?" Fiona asked, confused and in shock. "What? And what are you doing in _my_ room?"

Imogen pushed herself from the bed and pointed upward. "I'm in here because I'm going to be sleeping on the top bunk for a while. Well, unless that's your bunk and you were just too drunk last night to get up there."

"How did….?"

"The look on your face and your eyes tells me you're quite well hung-over," she explained, pulling on her ponytails. "And don't worry; Dr. Wok says I'll only be switching to this Group temporarily, whatever he means by that." Imogen climbed up to the top bunk, turning back on her flashlight and pulling out a black and red notebook.

Fiona shook her head slowly, trying to make sense of this and lessen the throbbing in her head, neither of which was going well. "I still don't understand… They don't usually switch kids in the middle of the year…"

Imogen shrugged. "Nope, but as you'll figure out soon enough, I'm an 'unusual case at hand' as Dr. Wok likes to say. I mean, he still hasn't figured out what's the root of my issues and apparently I'm cause for some serious help."

"What's wrong with you?" Fiona asked, slowly pulling herself up to get a better view of Imogen above her.

"I don't know. Something about being a psychopath," she replied casually.

Fiona couldn't believe this. Not only was she awakened by a new, and unwelcome roommate, but a complete psycho at that. And this chick definitely didn't ring to level headed to her.

Sighing, Fiona reached over into her nightstand drawer for some medicine. She slammed it shut when she realized the drawer was completely empty. "Where the hell, are my pills?"

Imogen looked over the side of her bed. "Umm, depends on what you mean by pills? You had Vicodin, and Aspirin... And some Midol…"

"Why were you in my drawer?" She asked, angry and about ready to hit Imogen.

Imogen hopped down from the top bunk and landed on the floor. She dropped her notebook and pointed to the closet. "I didn't just go through your drawer. I went through most of your things. I tried waking you up an hour ago, but you wouldn't budge, so I took the liberty to do it myself. I also reorganized." Imogen went over to the dresser and opened the top drawer and pulled out the missing aspirin bottle. "I'm on medication myself, a lot actually, so I thought while organizing mine I do you a favor and organize yours also."

Fiona snatched the aspiring bottle away from Imogen, really annoyed at this point. "Why did you come here so early?" She asked, glancing at the clock. It was six a.m.

"My old roommate couldn't wait to get rid of me," she said as if it were obvious. It probably should've been, since Fiona already wanted her gone.

"I wonder why," Fiona mumbled, taking three Aspirin before dropping the bottle back into the nightstand drawer.

Imogen picked up the notebook and pulled out her pen. "So tell me, Fiona, what's it like to be hungover?" She asked. "I've never experienced it personally, being that I don't have brain cells to be wasted. But how awful is it?"

"Well, it certainly doesn't help when someone's beaming a flashlight in your eyes," she snapped.

"I'll keep that in mind," Imogen said, writing something down in her notebook. "Would you classify your drinking problem as severe or just moderate?"

"I don't have a drinking problem!" Why was this girl asking her all these things? "And why are you asking me all these things? And how do you know who I am?"

"Because I know a lot about you," Imogen replied. "Not that I know you personally, but I've seen your file."

"You saw my file!" Fiona said, astonished.

"Yeah, well I've seen a lot of people's files, I take it upon myself to get information on others, but there's nothing like the information you can get by asking actually people. I like learning about what makes others tick, and what goes on in their heads. A hobby I guess."

"So what, you're like some stalker?"

She shrugged. "You can call it that if you want, but you'd be surprised who pays attention to you when you happen to know everything about anything and anybody. Besides, I hate there being something I don't know. I guess you can call me the Socrates or Aristotle of our generation. Then again, Socrates made up some things too, which I admire in an artistic view, but when it came down to science, some of his disputed work was way off… "

Fiona blinked, trying to keep up with the words pouring from Imogen's mouth. Did she always talk this fast? "Wait, you have access into the personal files?" Fiona asked, interrupting Imogen's rant.

"Not granted access if you wanted to get technical with it. I'm really good with breaking codes and passwords and firewalls. They're actually not that difficult if your guesses and calculations are correct. Sometimes over analyzing things is a good thing."

"Yeah, but how do you get past Dr. Wok?"

"My strategies are actually pretty simple. I just start talking, and eventually he gets annoyed enough to leave for a drink or a break. I've done some extensive studies on the capacity of how much information the human mind can receive before needing to take a break within its expansion. I saw this quote once about when the brain's knowledge has been expanded, it can never return to its original form. At first I started to disprove, my theories rooting back to memory loss patients to simple brain dysfunctions. But then, I figured, maybe the brain really does expand. So that's where things got more complicated."

"Proving and disproving was nothing compared to delving deeper into the subject," she went on. "Like, how? How is the brain, nothing but an organ, so absolutely amazing like that? And If it expands, what are its limits. Are they different in every person, and if so, why? What makes a brain different, or work different? Why do we have brains at all? Why is it the most complex organ? Why doesn't your heart or your kidneys think, but instead, listen to your brain which thinks for them? Why isn't there a brain to think for our brains? The ability to have knowledge though is one thing, but emotions is another. The brain isn't anything but an organ, by why does it feel? It's obvious my standstill in my studies is one I really need to delve in. Maybe study a different subject. That's why I was observing you sleep."

So maybe Imogen wasn't a psychopath. Maybe she was just do inquisitive for her own good, but she definitely knew how do stretch the mind of whoever she's talking to, because Fiona's head was throbbing even more now. Less from the hangover and more from Imogen. "Oh God…"

"I saw you at the party," Imogen said. "You looked like you were having fun."

"You were there?" Fiona couldn't recall seeing Imogen.

She nodded. "Of course. Like I said, I know a lot of things, and Bianca needed my help when it came to sneaking the drugs and things in here."

"You helped her with that?" Fiona asked in disbelief.

"Just when it came to the technical stuff," she replied. "Like, getting it in here and past the security's mail check."

Fiona thought about this for a moment. Imogen could actually be useful…

"Do you think you'd be able to get me some alcohol?" She asked.

"I might," Imogen said. "It shouldn't be too hard. I'll just have a little talk with Bianca then I'll see what I can do."

"Well, if you're going to include Bianca, do not mention my name," Fiona told her. "Bianca still hates me."

Imogen shrugged. "I'll handle her. But, if I did do this for you, what would you do for me?"

Fiona sighed. "Well, if you really want, I'll help you with your, um… brain study or whatever?"

Immediately Imogen's face lit up and she gasped excitedly. "Really?"

Fiona held up her hand. "Only on the condition you won't flash light in my eyes while I'm trying to sleep… scratch that. Don't do anything to me that I don't know about when I'm asleep. Got that?"

Imogen nodded the smile still on her face. "Yeah, no problem. It's just, I'm sort of stuck. I'm not sure where to take my study next." She leaned against the dresser and stared off toward the door. "Every time I get a possible answer, I end up with a hundred more questions."

"Maybe you need to try and expand," Fiona suggested. "Like, study different people's behaviors and brain patterns. I mean, you are at a mental hospital."

"You have a point," Imogen said, thinking about it. "Where do you think I should start?"

Fiona shrugged. "Start anywhere I guess. You could try the girls with eating disorders. I think their brains work way differently than others. Telling themselves they're fat and need to throw up everything they eat. Not everyone's mind tells them to do that."

"That's it!" Imogen yelled, pushing herself up off the dresser. "You might have just stumbled on to my perfect solution for my studies. If I'm going to study why our brains work the way they do, I need to find out the 'whys' behind everything else. And maybe being in a mental institution qualifies as a great thing. What do you think would be a good thesis?"

"I have no idea," Fiona said. "Can I ask why you're so interested in this stuff anyway?"

"I don't know," she said, climbing back up onto the top bunk. "I guess it started with my love for theatre."

"You like theatre, too?"

Imogen nodded. "Definitely. Practically grew up in one. I was always told I have some creative genius and a natural talent. Then I started reading more on performing arts and about other creative geniuses. Eventually, it became all I did and my mom made me go see a therapist for good measure, because apparently I'm not exactly, 'normal'. The more I talked to my therapist, the more interested I got in how the brain works, and why they're all different. What makes me not 'normal' or what's even wrong with me in the first place."

"Well, I guess you have a lot of work to do," Fiona muttered, lying back down. She really just wanted to go back to sleep. Skipping the day wouldn't be so bad.

"You're not going to Group?"

"No," Fiona said. "My head still hurts and I really don't feel like it." Would Imogen leave her alone now?

"Great!" Imogen exclaimed. "I'm not going either. So I guess you and I can start working on my research. So, let's start with my thesis statement…"

"Okay! I'm going to Group!" Fiona yelled with agitation, standing up and storming to the bathroom/ Even Group would be better than having to sit here and talk with Imogen. Hell, even spending the day with Bianca sounded like a walk in the park.

~*/~*/~*/~*

"But you can't do this, Dr. Wok!" Ms. Haman said, running after the fast walking doctor down the hall. It was the middle of the afternoon, and the halls were empty, due to most of the students being in the cafeteria or outside.

"Yes, I can." He replied, with slowing his pace one bit. Holly couldn't help but wonder how he walked so fast with such short legs!

"Please, wait!" she said, finally catching up to him and grabbing his arm. "Couldn't you have told me ahead of time instead of dropping it on me like this?"

"I just made the decision yesterday, and I'm telling you today."

"But-but!" Holly didn't know what to say. She needed to figure out some way to change Dr. Wok's mind. "Why my group? I'm sure Mrs. Cranes or Mel would rather have Imogen one of their Groups!"

Dr. Wok adjusted his black and rid-striped tie and continued to walk down the hall. "Imogen was already in Mrs. Cranes' Group and that turned into a disaster. I'm at my last resorts with that girl."

"What makes you think I'll be any better?"

He shrugged, "You are the one who had me give you more time to work with your Group B because you were sure you could speed up their health progress," he replied. "I thought maybe these 'new' tactics you wanted to propose for your Group might do Miss Moreno some good.

Holly sighed, feeling a feeling of exhaustion come over her. "But I still have to make sure Ms. Edwards is situated and then there's still Jenna I'm having immense trouble with, along with everything else…"

Dr. Wok held up his hand, cutting her off immediately. "You are a trained professional, Ms. Haman. You'll be able to handle this."

"But our Group is full!" She went on protesting.

"Then add a chair," the doctor replied bluntly.

Holly let out an exasperated sigh. "But, sir, juggling Imogen along with trying to focus my attention on everyone else… I don't think I'll be able to pull all that off in a short time."

"Well, then you'd better find a way, then, huh?" Holly stopped when he said that and Dr. Wok continued down the hall and soon disappeared out of sight.

Holly sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, but giving up wouldn't do any good at this point. She just needed to go on with her original plans and find a way to pull them all off by the next evaluation from the board. Her job and the students' health were all in jeopardy at this point.

She checked her watch and saw it was twelve-thirty. She needed to go to her office and get ready for her meeting with Imogen.

Holly turned down the hallway and descended the staircase, heading to her office. She was trying to figure what to do with Imogen. She had heard about the girl, of course, like everyone else. Apparently, she was quite the handful. Just what she needed.

Holly reached her office door and pulled the key from her pocket. As she went to unlock the door, she realized it was already unlocked.

That's strange, she thought. I always lock the door before I leave. Cautiously, she grabbed the doorknob and slowly opened the door. She poked her head around to peer inside and was shocked to see a girl with ponytails and glasses swiveling around in her black desk chair, scanning through papers.

"Excuse me!" Holly yelled, coming into the office and slamming the door behind her. "What in the world do you think you're doing?"

The girl looked up and smiled, setting the papers back down on her desk. "Oh, hi! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." She stood up and came around the desk and held out her hand to Holly. "Ms. Holly Haman, I am Imogen Moreno, the newest student in your Group."

Oh, Imogen… She thought. "Why were you behind my desk?" Holly asked, walking around her desk and checking out the papers which Imogen had been handling. They were the newest files that she'd gotten this morning from Mel. She mentally slapped herself, knowing she shouldn't have left them on the desk, completely forgetting to organize them and fax them over to the DMA Department. God, she was in trouble now.

"Did you know your files were due before twelve?" Imogen said. "The DMA doesn't like to play around."

"I know that!" Holly snapped, irritated. "Why were you in the files anyway?"

Imogen shrugged, "I got here about thirty minutes ago and I was bored. I saw your papers and decided to organize and fax them over." Imogen walked over to the fax machine and pulled the lid up, taking out a few papers and handing them to Holly. "Here are the final submission reports."

Holly's mouth dropped open. I cannot believe this… "Wait, how did you get in here?"

"I had someone pick the lock," she replied as though it were obvious.

Holly shook her head and fell into her chair. "I'll let you get by with it this _one_ time, but don't ever do it again, understand?" She decided it was best to just leave it at that. After all, Imogen probably just saved her job.

Imogen nodded and sat down across from Holly. "I understand. Personal files are private and should stay that way."

Holly nodded and flipped open her notebook and picking out a blue pen from her Dalmatian pencil cup. "Okay, Imogen, let's start out with…"

"Background info right?" Imogen cut her off. "I know the drill. So anyway, I guess my childhood started out normal enough. My dad owned this huge theatre and my mom worked as a pharmacist. I loved acting out in it and giving my dad story ideas. I also-"

Holly sighed, staring at the timer on her desk. This was going to be the longest thirty minutes of her life.

*~/*~/*~/*~

Ali turned the corner and headed toward the rec room, really needing a break from all the drama. She thought she just might burst from everything that's happened today.

And to think, this mornnig made it seem things were going to let up from yesterday. Of course though, she was wrong as ever.

She had awoken this morning to something she never thought she would see. And that's Jenna sleeping. Not that she hadn't seen it before, but poor Jenna was usually twisting and turning in her sheets whenever she fell asleep. Jenna had confided in her once that she was terrified to sleep and dream. That must feel awful. Being the friend she was, Ali usually stayed up with her, but a lot of times she ended up falling asleep halfway into the night.

But this morning… Jenna looked so peaceful. She couldn't help but wonder why, and what exactly happened last night. This hadn't happened before, and yesterday definitely wasn't one of Jenna's good days with the whole Bianca thing.

Even though she had about a million questions for Jenna, Ali decided to let her sleep. After getting dressed and heading to Group, she told Holly and she seemed to understand and decided not to wake Jenna. But she asked Ali to make sure she was up for class and to tell her Dr. Wok and her wanted to give Jenna some session later, whatever that meant.

After breakfast, she had headed to her room to wake Jenna but she found she'd already was up and gone. Ali had been worried since it wasn't like Jenna to leave her room if she didn't have to, especially by herself. Then again, sleeping wasn't like her either.

But as the day went on, Jenna didn't show up at all. Not in their room, not in class, and not at lunch. Ali was really worried at this point. Lunch would be over soon and she needed to find her friend in fear of what could've happened to her.

Ali was snapped out of her thoughts when a large object hit her in the back of the head, causing her to run into the wooden flower stand and fall onto the floor.

"Oh my gosh," she heard Dave's voice from above her. "Ali are you okay?"

Ali looked up and saw Dave, Wesley and Conner looking all looking down at her. She pointed an angry finger at them. "What is wrong with you three?"

Wesley bent down and picked up a saucer shaped object. "Sorry, Ali. We were testing out our new saucer."

Ali stood up and brushed herself off. "You know if the Simons or Dr. Wok see that thing you're all going to be in trouble."

"It's not fair we're not allowed to have our own stuff here," Conner said. "It's not hurting anyone…" He glanced at Ali then added, "on purpose."

"Well just be careful with that thing!" She yelled and stormed off. She really wasn't in the mood for their games today.

"Ali, wait." Dave came up from behind and stopped her. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged. "Not really," she said, then told him about the problems she had been having and her roommates disappearance.

"I'm sure Jenna's fine," he reassured her. "We can help look for her if you want."

"Really?"

"I know where she is," Wesley added.

Ali's mouth dropped open. "You do? Where!" She grabbed his shirt roughly. "Where is she?"

Wesley gulped. "I-I saw her after the bell rang for lunch. She headed into the TV room."

Ali knew exactly where that was. "Great." Ali let go of Wesley and headed straight for the TV room where there were snacks and a huge big screen TV. Hopefully Jenna was still there.

Ali walked through the double doors and immediately noticed Jenna sitting in a chair playing with her hands, the news on the television, talking about TMZ and Kim Kardashians relationship status as heading toward divorce.

"Jenna," Ali said, catching the blonds attention. Jenna looked up and saw Ali and quickly turned away.

"Hi," was all she said, barely audible.

Ali walked over to Jenna. "Jen, is everything okay? I saw you sleeping this morning and I thought you were okay but you disappeared and…"

"I'm fine," she replied quickly, cutting her off.

"You're obviously not," Ali said.

"Just be quiet!" Jenna yelled, her hands shooting up and grabbing her head. "Why won't you leave me alone!"

Ali was shocked and stepped back. She felt a twinge of hurt in her heart, and a spark of anger. She was just worried about Jenna, why was she so upset?

"Calm down, Jen," Ali said, keeping calm. "I just wanted to know if…"

"Just stop! I can't stand you anymore!" Jenna said, standing up.

"Jen!" Ali said, stunned at the fierceness of her voice. She also felt tears in her eyes.

Jenna turned and looked at Ali as though she had just appeared. "Ali…"

Ali shook her head. "Don't bother Jenna! I just wanted to help," Ali said, losing her temper. "You can talk to me, you know, and all you do is push me away!"

"I…" Jenna looked like she wanted to say something, but instead, she shut her mouth and looked down. "Please, Ali, just go." She didn't sound angry anymore but instead, drained.

"Whatever." Ali turned and left, tired of the constant up and down rollercoaster of emotions Jenna was going through. She wasn't sure why Jenna had screamed at her. All she wanted to do was help!

But maybe that was her mistake. She was so focused on helping Jenna she wasn't helping herself. Maybe it was time to put her mind somewhere else, and let Jenna deal with her own stuff. After all, she'd have to learn to stick up for herself at some point. And that little pain in Ali's heart reassured her even more that Jenna could do just fine on her own.


	6. First Impressions Are Meaningless

**Haha I did it! I made this next chapter as quickly as possible. My fingers hurt SO much right now. But you all are worth it. I'm sorry but I've been so busy. **

**But, good news. I'm going to Australia! I was accepted to the people to people thing which means less time to write stories and update. But I promise I shall try. **

**Thank you all for the support and Likes and don't forget to REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter 6: First Impressions Are Meaningless**

***~*/*~*/*~***

4:17 p.m.

Anya lay on her bed, watching as her best friend paced the floor of their room angrily. Stopping every now and then in deep thought, then starting her angry pacing again. This had been going on ever since this morning and Anya wondered how long Holly J was going to be like this. Well, at least Holly J wasn't making her eat, which was a good thing, but maybe she shouldn't let this go on for too much longer.

"You're going to make a hole into the floor at this rate," Anya commented, trying to get Holly J's attention.

Holly J stopped and turned back toward Anya. "Huh?" She asked, dumbfounded.

Anya weakly threw her pillow at Holly J, hitting her on the shoulder then landing to the floor. "Pay attention. You've been pacing for over an hour and you're getting annoying."

Holly J knelt down and picked up the yellow pillow from the floor. "Sorry, Anya. I'm just so upset at how Fiona is acting right now. I mean she was doing great until Fitz came along."

I wouldn't say great, Anya thought and actually almost said, but she really didn't want to get a lecture from Holly J at the moment. "Well it's not like you could've stopped her."

Holly J sighed and flopped into her chair. "I know. But still, it's like nothing gets through."

Silence came over the room for long period of time. Anya's went to her stomach and she could feel the twisting pain in her stomach again. She knew she probably should've eaten something today. But the thought of food made her sick, and today was the only day in a long time people weren't down her throat and on her ass about her eating problem. She might as well enjoy it.

Anya glanced back at Holly J, whose foot was tapping nervously on the carpeted floor, that over worried look on her face. She knew what that meant.

"So," Anya started, breaking the silence. "How's the paranoia?"

That was a question she hadn't asked in a while. It was something Holly J rarely talked about, and if you'd meet her once or twice, you'd never notice it about her. And even after meeting her, she seemed like a normal teenage, worried about this and that. But after a while you'd realize something wasn't right. She'd get so paranoid and she'd lose control of herself.

Anya had to give Holly J props though. She'd learn to control it pretty well, but it was still there. And sometimes it was really noticeable, especially to Anya, being her roommate and all. But Anya never understood how her friend could be so level headed at one time, then completely paranoid at another.

She remembered first meeting Holly J and thinking she was the most normal person she'd actually ever met. And since it was before Holly J knew about her eating problem, they always had fun together. Anya never saw Holly J as insane or belonging here at all. But sometimes first impressions are _really_ off the mark.

She remembered Holly J's first break down. She'd had just come back from her first meeting with Dr. Wok, which was the start of their 'monthly routine' which she'd come to despise. When she entered the room, she saw her friend Holly J going through things, throwing stuff around. A strange look in her eyes as though she was scared or worried or lost. Anya still couldn't be sure.

"Is everything okay?" Anya had asked, watching Holly J.

Holly J had stopped and looked up at Anya. "Um…. Yeah. I guess I'm okay I'm just… Something's not right."

Anya tilted her head, really confused at this point. "What's not right? Do you want some help?" Had Holly J lost something?

Her friend shook her head. "No," she said, looking really uncomfortable, shaking a little. "I'm done." Holly J turned away and crawled in her bed, leaving her side of the room a mess.

"Okay," Anya said. When she didn't get a reply, she quickly changed and crawled into her bed, deciding to shrug off Holly J's strange behavior for the night.

It couldn't have been more than a few hours later when she was woken up by a loud thump and a scream. Anya shot up out of bed, a little scared and definitely shocked. What was that? She thought, turning on the light.

The first thing she saw was the Holly J's bedside lamp lying on the floor. The next thing she noticed was her friend on the floor, crying and breathing heavy.

Anya raced to her side, not sure whatsoever what was going on. "Holly J, what's happening?"

"I can't!" She screamed. "It's not right! It's there and not and I can't take it!"

Anya shook her head, trying to understand what Holly J was saying or trying to say or whatever. She was so confused, and a little scared. It was obvious Holly J was having some episode or break down, but about what or how to stop it, she didn't know.

Suddenly, without warning, the door burst open and Mrs. Cranes came in with the Simons running in behind her. The three helped Holly J up, who was still freaking out and led her out of the room.

"What's going on?" Anya asked, really wanting to know what in the world everyone was doing.

Mrs. Cranes stopped, mumbled something to the Simons, who then led Holly J away. Mrs. Cranes looked back at Anya. "Go back to bed," she said in her strict, grouchy voice. Everyone made fun of it.

Mrs. Cranes turned and left, closing the door behind her. Anya wanted to do more, but she couldn't. All she could do at that point was crawl into bed and hope for the best.

She didn't see Holly J for two days after that. When she did, Holly J didn't hesitate to explain to Anya about what happened that night. Apparently, she suffered from Paranoia and severe OCD. That night she had a really bad episode, and they had to keep her alone for a while to calm her down. But of course, Holly J went back to being her normal self, and everything was fine.

Every now and then Holly J had an episode, not all of them nearly as bad as the first one Anya had witnessed, but still scary. Holly J said that built up stress was the cause of it in the first place. She hadn't said anything about it in months.

Holly J swiveled in the chair a bit, looking down at the floor. "I don't know. I haven't had an episode in a while, but I don't think that's a good thing."

Anya sat up slowly, propping herself on the remaining yellow pillow and soft sheets. "What do you mean?"

Holly J shrugged and hugged the pillow tightly against her chest. "I don't know. It usually mean the next episode I have will be worse and last longer," she said. "It scares me."

"They scare me too," Anya admitted, her mind drifting back to the first time it ever happened.

"But it's worse for me," Holly J said. "I don't know why, but nothing's right anymore. I feel like I'm being watched and examined by invisible people and I'm not doing anything right and everything's falling around me and closing in. I'm terrified of having that happen again. I try not to let it happen, but I know when it's coming and I just can't stop it." Tears started to fall down her face, and Anya felt awful for her friend.

"I'm sorry, Holly J. I wish there was something I could do."

Holly J shrugged. "I don't think there's anything anyone can do about it." She threw the pillow across the room at it hit the wall and landed to the floor. "What if I have to live with it for the rest of my life?"

Anya thought about how Holly J described this feeling. This awful feeling she couldn't stop. A feeling of things closing in around you, being watched, nothing ever being right again or at that moment. Panicking and losing control of the world around you. Knowing it's coming and not being able to stop it. It must be awful. And terrifying.

"I don't know," she replied quietly.

"I don't either," Holly J replied, slumping in her chair. "And that scares me the most."

*~/*~/*~/*~

5:23 p.m.

Katie opened the closet door and examined all the clothes hanging up on the racks. She fingered through the clothing slowly, wondering what she was going to change into. She didn't usually change her outfits in the middle of the evening but this was an emergency. She needed to get out of her plaid cami. It was way too tight.

Katie pulled her hand away, thinking maybe she was overacting a bit. She looked down at her stomach, and immediately all she saw was fat even though there wasn't anything there.

How can that be? She thought. I haven't eaten in two days! I knew I shouldn't have accepted that extra dessert from Alex.

She went back to searching through the closet to find the biggest sweatshirt she could find, just to hide away all the fat people kept telling her wasn't there. It was definitely there, they just didn't want her to throw up her food anymore. There were all liars.

Katie settled for the large dark blue hoodie that was her roommate's and quickly changed into it. She closed the closet and turned to the mirror. At least it helped a bit, but not much.

"Do you mind if I borrow this for a while, Mar?" Katie asked while staring into the mirror and smoothing down the front of the hoodie. When she didn't get an answer, Katie looked back toward her roommate's bed. "Marisol?"

Marisol slowly rolled over, groaning. "What?" She asked, sounding annoyed.

Katie pointed to the hoodie she was wearing. "Can I borrow this?"

Marisol groaned again, clutching her stomach. "I don't care."

Katie walked over to her best friend's bedside. "Are you alright?" Katie asked, concerned. "Do you want me to get the nurse?"

Marisol managed to shake her head. "No. She won't do anything anyway. They'll just give me sleeping pills and send me back here." She groaned again, clutching her stomach more viciously.

"What hurts this time?" Katie asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"My stomach," Marisol replied. "And my shoulder is starting to hurt."

Katie looked at her closest friend groveling in pain on the bed. She wished there was something she could do, but there wasn't. She had tried, and Marisol was right about the nurse. She wouldn't do anything; well… she _couldn't _do anything about Marisol's pain. Mostly because it was all in Marisol's head.

Katie sighed. It had to be awful to physically feel pain that wasn't really there. She still wasn't sure how that even worked. Marisol had told her it had been happening since she was a child and at first people thought something was really wrong. But after countless tests and doctors' visits, everywhere eventually just shrugged off her pain and said she was faking it. Even her parents stopped paying her any attention. Marisol had it rough, and eventually she started to cut herself. She told Katie it was the only time she had pain and was sure it was real. It made her feel better, even though it hurt every time. And the pain her head caused was worse. Eventually it got to the point where she was diagnosed with actual Pain Disorder, which in fact was all in her head, but it really was causing her pain. Why, no one knew, but at least people started to believe Marisol. The again, what was the pont if no one was going to do anything about it in the first place?

Katie kept her eyes on her friend who looked like she was in serious pain. She knew pills wouldn't help because technically, the pain wa Then again, what was sn't there. But it was still hurting her friend, and she could never do anything about it.

"Are you hungry?" Katie asked, listening to the dinner bell ring from the speakers.

Marisol shook her head. "No, I just want to rest," she said quietly, turning away from Katie. She sighed and stood up, deciding to leave Marisol alone for now.

Katie left the room, making sure not to disturb Marisol any further. She wasn't sure where to go next. She wasn't eating dinner, that's for sure.

Katie walked down the hall, wishing that the Simons hadn't taken her iPod from her last week. Apparently, certain activities couldn't be monitored with electronic devices. She wondered if there was any way she could get it back. She knew someone who could get it for her, but repercussions would be costly. She didn't want to get mixed in with the rebels of Degrassi just for some music. The only other person she knew that could do this was someone she wanted to avoid for the rest of her time in Degrassi…

Katie felt someone grab her from behind and spin her around. She blinked in surprise. "What the…"

"Hey, Katie!" Imogen said happily. Great, Katie thought. Just the person I want to avoid.

"Hi, Imogen," she said and started walking away in a different direction. Sadly, Imogen didn't get the hint and started walking beside her. Katie wondered if it was just Imogen being ignorant or her being annoying as hell. Probably both.

"What do you want?" She asked, not slowing her pace.

Imogen shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not in your Group anymore and I wanted to know how things were going without me."

"Quieter," Katie replied, turning the corner. "And slightly more sane."

"I figured." Imogen pulled out a yo-yo and started playing with it. "Why aren't you with Marisol?"

"She's not feeling well."

"Oh, is it the pain thing? What's hurting this time?"

"Her stomach and her shoulder," Katie told her. "It usually goes away after a couple of hours but… She's in a lot of pain."

"I wonder how that works," Imogen mused. "I mean, her brain is causing physical pain that's not even there! I wonder why…"

Katie shrugged. "I don't know. She hates talking about it." Katie stopped and locked her eyes on Imogen. "Did you find me just to talk about her?"

Imogen shook her head, the yo-yo falling to the floor. "No. I was bored and Bianca is somewhere with Drew right now. I also sort of wanted to ask you something…"

Katie blinked. "What?"

"I wanted to know if you'd give me some insight on Bulimia," Imogen explained. "I really need to know for my research."

"Why? So you can embarrass me," Katie said angrily. "It not some joke you know."

"No, no, no!" Imogen said, holding her hands up. "It's not to make fun, but I really want to know more. Reading books is nothing like actually hearing it from an actual Bulimic's point of view. Please?"

Katie shook her head. "I don't have time," she said. "I need to write an essay for class anyway and I haven't done a thing for it," she said, starting to walk again.

"I'll write it for you," Imogen offered, running after Katie.

"No, Imogen," she said, annoyed. "Listen, if you really want to study this stuff, why don't you just check with Ms. Haman on information about the meeting their having for the kids with eating disorders at Degrassi. You'll get way more from that."

Imogen eyes widened. "I haven't ever heard of that."

"It's new," Katie told her. "Holly organized it. She wants to get us all together and explain where the root of our problems are coming from and where it will lead us and whatever." Personally, Katie thought it was the dumbest thing ever.

"Good idea," Imogen said. "I'll just go to the meeting."

"You can't go," Katie said.

"Why not?"

"Because you don't have an eating disorder!" Katie yelled. For someone so smart, Imogen wasn't too bright. "You're not aloud."

Imogen stopped and looked down at the floor for a minute, then she looked back at Katie, a wide grin on her face. "I'll just get an eating disorder."

Katie dropped her jaw in shock. "What? You can't just obtain some random eating disorder! They'd never believe it."

"You'd be surprised what I can do," she said, and started walking away. Imogen stopped halfway down the hall and ran back up to Katie and shoved something in her hand. "Thanks. See you at the meeting." And just like that, Imogen was gone.

Katie looked at her hands and gaped and her blue iPod in her hands. How in the world did Imogen get this?

She looked around the empty hallway, making sure no one was looking and slipped it into her pocket. It was probably best not to question Imogen, since the answer would probably shock her even more. Still, when she first met Imogen last year, she would've never guessed the capabilities of that girl. Who knows, maybe she'd even find a way into the meeting.

After all, sometimes first impressions have nothing to do with what someone was capable of accomplishing. Especially when it came to Imogen Moreno.

*~/*~/*~/*~

8:26 p.m.

Jenna glanced at the giant clock in the rec room. She hadn't left since her fight with Ali. She hadn't meant to fight with her. Truthfully, she wasn't fighting with her. Ali had walked in and the voices in her head hadn't been leaving her alone whatsoever since she woke up. She wanted them to stop, and ended up hurting her friend in the process. Jenna felt tears starting to spill down her cheeks for the millionth time today. What was she supposed to do now?

_Whiney crybaby!_

Jenna shook her head and stood up. She was really tired of listening to the voices bash at her self-esteem. She'd been suffering with it for the past eight hours and she couldn't stand it anymore. She needed to talk to someone, anyone, and get her mind away from the voices.

_I'm not going anywhere._

Jenna walked out of the rec room and upstairs. At first she thought of heading to her room, but she knew she didn't want to have to face Ali when she was angry and upset. She still didn't know what to say. She promised the voices she wouldn't tell anyone about them, even Ali.

She sighed and looked at the clock. It was eight thirty. Only a half an hour until she had to meet Holly and Dr. Wok. Earlier, Holly had found her sulking in the rec room and told her about needing to see her for a private meeting in Dr. Wok's office. It was really random and unplanned and Jenna wasn't sure why.

_You better keep your mouth shut about me!_

She sighed. "I know." Jenna started walking down the hallway, wondering who she could spend some time with. She thought about Adam, but he was probably with Eli and Clare, who actually seemed really nice, but Eli sort of scared her. Dave was probably with Wesley and Conner working on their saucer and Riley probably wasn't in the mood to talk right now. She saw him earlier and he didn't seem very happy.

The only other person that came to mind was K.C. She remembered first meeting him and being absolutely terrified of him. He was so dark and lonely. The first time she ever talked to him though he wasn't so bad. She had caught him in the TV room with a lighter in his hands. She was about to run out, seeing as he hadn't noticed her, but she bumped into the wall and ended up on the floor.

"Ow," she said, bringing her hand up to her forehead. She looked up and saw K.C. tower over her, eyes emotionless, lighter in her hand.

"Are you okay?"

She gulped and scrambled clumsily to her feet. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just hit my head," she said quickly, eyes locked on the lighter. "Why do you have that?"

He looked at the lighter in his hands, then looked back up at Jenna, taking a step closer. "Are you scared?" HE asked, bringing the lighter up closer to her face and lighting it up.

Jenna gulped, staring at the flame swaying in front of her face. "Um, yeah…" Please don't kill me, she thought, wishing to be anywhere besides there.

He flicked the lighter shut. "I won't hurt you," he said. "People don't burn the same as things do."

Jenna blinked, actually surprised he didn't set her on fire. She heard is he was absolutely insane, and loved fire. He really wasn't going to burn her?

She could still feel her body shaking, but relaxed slightly. "Uh, thanks?"

He shrugged. "Whatever. I'm going to find something to burn," he said. "Don't tell anybody about this," he motioned toward the lighter, "alright?"

She nodded, still wary of that dark, emotionless look in his eyes. Did it ever go away?

He nodded and walked off. She hadn't talked to K.C. more than just a few times since then, but he wasn't ever mean to her. He never made fun of her or asked her a whole bunch of questions that made her feel uncomfortable. The fact he never talked much actually made him a good listener. That was one thing she liked about him.

Jenna turned the corner heading to K.C.'s room. She stopped at the door, which was halfway open. Jenna looked around before knocking. She heard loud shuffling, but no answer. She slowly and cautiously opened the door, and peered in. The room was a mess. On the floor was K.C., and he was going through a suitcase, violently pulling things out and throwing them carelessly away.

"Hi, K.C.," Jenna said, walking in. He stopped for a split second and looked up at her, grunted a hi, and went back to searching through the black and green suitcase.

Jenna looked around and saw Eli's bed unoccupied. His side of the room messy and covered in dark colors and posters. She made her way cautiously over and sat down on the bed. She glanced on the floor and saw a baseball trophy half covered by a grey t-shirt. She picked it up and read the bottom plaque: 'K.C., The Eight Grade Basketball Champion.'

"You played Basketball?" She asked, examining the trophy.

He shrugged. "I used to." K.C. stopped and looked up at Jenna. "Why are you here?"

Jenna shrugged and carefully sat the trophy back onto the floor. "We haven't talked in a while," she said. K.C. watched her for a second more, and Jenna could've sworn he could read right through her with those dark, unreadable eyes. But he didn't say anything else and went back through digging through his items.

Jenna watched for a few minutes, as K.C. finished ravishing through the suitcase and when he obviously failed to find what he was looking for, he started going through the items sprawled over the floor.

"Do you want some help?" Jenna offered, seeing as K.C. might want it, or definitely needed help.

"No," he said, not looking up at her as he started reaching under his bed.

"What are you looking for?" Jenna asked, still being persistent.

"My lighter," he stated. "The Simons were in here earlier, and I think they might've taken it."

"How did you get a lighter anyway?"

"Bianca," he said, sighing and standing up. "She got it for me. I don't know if she'll be able to get me another one either."

Jenna couldn't believe it. Bianca was giving K.C. lighter? That's super dangerous. Not that K.C. would set anyone on fire on purpose, but he could lose control and flame the entire school. Who knows who could get hurt? Maybe taking the lighter away was a good thing, but she wasn't going to say anything about it.

"I'm sorry…"

K.C. sat down on his bed and his eyes locked with Jenna's. "Why aren't you with Ali?"

"She's pretty angry at me," Jenna said and explained to K.C. about the fight they had.

"Why did you yell at her?" He asked. Jenna was a little surprised. He rarely asked questions back, but she was sort of glad. She wanted to tell someone about the voices. Maybe K.C. was the perfect person to talk to.

_Keep your mouth shut!_

For a second, Jenna was inclined to listen to the voice again, mostly as a reflex. But she couldn't keep it in anymore. She needed to tell someone, and at this point if she didn't, she might just spill it to the doctors, which she wasn't certain whether she'd regret it or not.

"I'll tell you but you have to promise not to say anything," she said to him. K.C. nodded and Jenna told him all about her horrible nightmares and the voices she heard in them and then told him about the voices the called her names and made her do things.

"And that's why I'm here," she said. "The voices told me I should just finish it and I listened to them. I cut my wrist and if it weren't for my brother finding me I would've bled out. I was in the hospital for weeks, and when I got out, I was sent to Degrassi to get help. I never told anyone about the voices though, because I was scared that instead of just depressed and troubled they'd say I was crazy and lock me up for good."

"Good," K.C. said, surprising her.

"Good?"

He nodded. "Yeah, don't tell them you're hearing voices. They'll you'll never get a chance to leave and when you graduate they'll send you to an asylum and everyone'll forget about you and that's where you'll spend your life."

Jenna gulped. K.C. was so blunt about it, and the voices had sort of said the same things to her. She glanced at the clock. It was almost nine. "I have to meet Dr. Wok and Holly for a private session. What do I do? What do I tell them?"

"Go along with it," he said. "Just don't tell them anything. They know you have a sleeping problem, but leave it at that."

"Okay," she said. "I won't."

Jenna got up to leave, but K.C. stopped her. "Wait, you're going to Dr. Wok's office, right?"

Jenna nodded. "Yeah. I'm headed there now."

He smiled. "Good. Do me a favor while you're there and search for my lighter."

Jenna's mouth dropped open, wondering if he was actually serious. "What? You've got to be joking!"

K.C. shook his head. "I'm not. Come on. Jenna, I _need_ my lighter."

"But… I'm not sneaky!" She protested. 'How am I supposed to get it? I'm not Bianca."

"You might not be sneaky, but you're smart," he said. "Please, just check around for my lighter. If the Simons took it earlier today and gave it to Dr. Wok, it should still be in his office somewhere."

"I don't know…" Jenna said, full of uncertainty.

"Please. If you do this for me, I'll help you with getting the drugs from the nurse's office."

Jenna gaped. "How did you know about that?"

"Adam was telling Eli yesterday," K.C. said. "I can help, really, but I need my lighter."

Jenna gulped, looking into K.C.'s eyes, which surprisingly had a little emotion in them. That was the first time she'd ever seen that, and it scared her a little knowing it was about a lighter he was going to use to set things on fire. Everything in her body told her it was a bad idea.

Then again, she did need help. How else was she to get the drugs Bianca wanted to keep her from her own death? If she didn't get K.C.'s help, she might as well dig her own grave and write up a will now because she wasn't going to have the nerve to do it on her own. This seemed a little easier than breaking into the pharmacy.

Jenna sighed. "Okay, I'll do it."

He smiled. "Thanks, Jen."

Jenna nodded and left the his room quickly, nervous and not wanting to be late for the meeting. She could barely register the fact K.C. had just said thank you to her, and even though she'd never tell him out loud, it sort of sent butterflies coursing through her stomach. Maybe she was starting to like him more as a friend, and maybe there was a tiny chance he liked her too. But then again, the voices in her head told her otherwise and it immediately crushed her spirits, no matter how much she wanted to believe he might like her back.

_Dream on, stupid. No one will ever love you._


	7. Memories and Blood Loss

**Sorry everyone, I've been so busy with school it's not even funny. I hope you'll still read this though and I super hope you like this chapter. Worked my ass off on it. **

**Review and i luv Ya**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter Seven: Memories I Don't Want and Blood I Won't Get Back**

***~*/*~*/*~***

Jenna stood placid outside of Dr. Wok's office, unable to move, think, barely able to breath. She looked at the clock on the wall. Nine o' clock. She was supposed to be in there right now, for what, she didn't know. She was scared. Her mind running through everything K.C. and the voices had told her.

Was keeping the voices a secret right to do? Was she really helping herself? Did she even want to help herself…? No, the real question was, did she deserve to get help for herself? Probably not, which is why she wouldn't say anything, but, was that really the reason? Or was it something else, something inside keeping her quiet? Did she even understand what this was?

Jenna shook her head, confused and upset. She didn't know. She didn't even understand anything anymore. She wasn't a bad person, so why was all of this happening to her? Why, of all people, her?

_Because you're selfish!_

Jenna sighed. Maybe she was selfish. She always wondered why her, but why anyone else? No one deserved this torture day in and day out. No one.

Except her.

A slight noise caused her to jump back and the door swung open. Dr. Wok stood there, surprised to see Jenna standing there.

"Jenna," he said. "You startled me. Why didn't you come in?"

Jenna cleared her throat and forced herself to stop trembling. She needed to act normal, and not like she was keeping secrets or planning on searching for a lighter, which she still wasn't sure how to go about doing.

"I just got here," she told him. Dr. Wok nodded and stepped aside, motioning for Jenna to enter.

Jenna walked in cautiously, surprised to see Ms. Haman standing by the desk, smiling at her broadly and no one else. Not even the Simons, which was actually pretty weird, since they were everywhere.

"Jenna," Dr. Wok started, closing the door, "Please, sit down."

Jenna nodded and walked over to the leather couch and sat down, feeling nervous. It was so quiet, and she still had no idea what was going on.

Holly cleared her throat. "Jenna, we called you here tonight because we understand you're still having difficulty with sleeping but we aren't exactly sure why."

Dr. Wok nodded in agreement while sitting down in a small chair directly in front of Jenna. "Yes. Ms. Haman thought that we'd use some 'non-conventional' tactics we haven't used in years."

Jenna tilted her head at them, confused. Non-conventional? What did that even mean? "Huh?"

"We're hoping that you'll agree to one of them right now," he continued. "One that we hope, if successful, we can pre-scribe as congenial and mandatory routine for all of the occupants here at Degrassi that might require it for the benefit of their health."

Jenna closed her eyes and started to process the words in her mind. "You mean… Like experiment on me?"

Holly shook her head quickly. "No, don't think of it like that. Just think of it as being an important element in a small research. Or, like a trial run for a later something you might need later."

Jenna stared at them, still unsure how to respond. Her heart was beating and the clock was ticking. She felt pressured, nervous. Right now she wanted to leave. Should she just say yes and get it over with?

_No stupid! Say no and leave!_

"I don't think so…." She said, complying with the voice, afraid of defying it again.

Holly sat down next to Jenna and put her hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Listen, I know you're probably scared, but you shouldn't worry. I promise, tonight will be over and done with before you even know it."

She gulped, not sure what to do. But Holly's voice was comforting and she hadn't never had a reason for not to trust her. "Well okay, I think I'll agree to it but would we be doing?"

Dr. Wok smiled. "This time we will be using hypnotism on you."

"H-hypnotism?"

Holly nodded next to her. "Yes hypnotism. Please Jenna don't worry, you'll be fine. Just trust us."

_Don't do it! Don't trust them!_

"Okay I'll do it," she said not sure what she was doing at all. She really hoped she wasn't going to regret this later and she still needed to stay in office and find a way to get K.C. lighter.

Dr. Wok nodded happily a smile on his face. "Please Jenna sit back and let us to work."

Jenna did what she was told immediately and sat back on the sofa. The leather under her squeaked loudly as she slid back making her slightly more uncomfortable than she already was. Dr. wok turned Holly in this first of the 10 year that Jenna could hear. He hadn't pulled something out of his pocket Jenna saw it was a beautiful gold watch it's little hand ticking slowly.

"Now Jenna, all you have to do is sit back and relax. Don't worry nothing bad is going to happen," he reassured, holding out the watch in front of her face. Gradually he started to swing my little pocket watch back and forth, the room becoming completely silent for a split second.

Jenna couldn't believe this, she heard of hypnotism before but she didn't think it really worked. She sighed the knowing this was her only chance getting lighter so she relaxed and focused on the watch and nothing else.

After a minute, Dr. wok started to talk but was only talking like soothing whispers escape his mouth. He started saying things like calm down or close your eyes or fall asleep or something like that. But after a while Jenna stopped listening, mind is going blank and the world around her was becoming dark. Within seconds she stated to not her head and closed her eyes.

Suddenly Jenna's eyes snapped open, wondering when she'd fallen asleep she looked around but that she realized she wasn't in Dr. wok's office anymore. Now she was sitting in the dark hallway, one light overhead of her. She glanced down both ends of the hallway completely dark. She wanted to know where she was and how she had gone here.

"Hello?" She whispered in this small almost an audible voice she did recognize but didn't recognize all at the same time.

Jenna looked up at the light overhead, flickering and putting her in complete darkness ever few seconds. It was cold, and Jenna wrapped her arms around herself, feeling a breeze coming from the hallway to her right. Maybe there was a way out down there?

Deciding to take the risk and not sit there in the cold, Jenna stood up and started her descent down the hallway, her sneakers making soft squeaky noises as they scraped across the floor. "Hello?" She called out quietly, feeling like she wasn't getting anywhere after a few minutes of walking. No answer. Jenna sighed and continued to walk.

After a while, the breeze got stronger but the darkness seemed to become imminent and engulf her completely. Where was she? Should she continue or go back? Why was she here? How in the world did she get here? But something else was bothering her too. The voices… They'd been so silent. Not a word, or even a cackle from them. Nothing, as if the darkness engulfed them too.

Jenna stood there, wondering what she should do when a noise suddenly sounded through the hallway. She turned her head, listening to the muffled noises. What was that?

Deciding to take a chance, Jenna started walking deeper into the darkness, following the voices she was hearing. Soon, they started to become more audible and louder and… familiar. Her hopes up, Jenna started to run toward the voices, the assurance that she knew them giving her more confidence and reason to continue.

She didn't know how long she was running, but she stopped and bent over trying to catch her breath. She listened and noticed the voices had become more vibrant and angry… Yelling, and viciously spewing noises and sounds. Crashes echoed off the walls. Something about this seemed so familiar, yet what it all was escaped her tauntingly.

Jenna stood up straight and noticed two brown double doors standing in front of her for the first time. For some reason, she froze and listened for the voices in her head to tell her what to do next. Whether she should continue or turn back. Why, she wasn't sure. Maybe she'd become dependent on the voices for their harshly worded input in her daily activities.

This is my chance to do stuff on my own, she thought defiantly. Making a decision, she reached her hand out toward the doors. Her heart pounding, she pushed them open gently, the faint and familiar smell of Marucho noodles and lavender wafted through the cold air.

Jenna pushed her way through and her shoes landed on soft, white carpeting. She noticed the white couch up against the wall, facing a tv. There where no lights on and the red drapes covered the windows. Something about this seemed so familiar, but why couldn't she place it?

The voices grew louder, angrier, and she realized they were coming from her right. Jenna turned and walked down the small hallway and toward a kitchen. She peeked around the corner and finally found the owners of the voices. A man and a woman, both of them very young. The words they were yelling becoming extremely clear.

"God! I don't know why I put up with this bullshit!" The woman screamed. She was facing away from Jenna and toward a man. She knew them both, but for some reason, couldn't remember who they were exactly. But this all seemed like déjà vu. "I'm sick of it!"

The man took a step towards her, but clumsily feel backward. He would've fallen if he hadn't grabbed on to the countertop. "Sick of what?" He slurred, obviously drunk.

"You, coming home drunk every night, that's what!" she continued to yell.

"I'm not drunk!" He defended, trying to push himself from the countertop but failed miserabley.

"I'm tired of sitting at home with _your _kids every goddamn day while you're out getting wasted!"

He gave her a dark look. "Yeah, I'm sure you'd much rather be out with your drug addicted friends you lying little bitch!"

Jenna saw the woman smack him across the face. "Don't talk to me like that! Or about my friends!"

He brought one hand up to his reddening cheek. "You know what? I'm leaving! I can't stand you anymore!"

The woman crossed her arms. "Fine. I can't even stand to look at you anymore. Don't even bother coming back!" The man gave another attempt at standing up, and finally succeeded, turning away towards the exit.

"No!" Jenna looked over her shoulder and for the first time noticed the very small girl standing next to her. Her blonde hair was up in a ponytail and she stood there, holding a little brown stuffed teddy bear in her arms. Jenna realized the teddy bear was missing one eye, just like her old one, Mr. Snuggles.

The little girl dropped it and raced into the kitchen, clinging to the man's leg. "Daddy, please don't leave!"

Tears started streaming down Jenna's eyes when she realized what was going on. This had all happened before. Everything was so much clearer, and three times more painful. That little girl was her, and those were her parents. Somehow she'd forgotten all about this night. She'd put it so far back in her memory, locking it up and throwing away the key for good. Why? Because it hurt. It was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Why was she reliving it now? Why did she have to watch this again? Why couldn't it have stayed locked away?

"I'm sorry," he said slowly. "But I have to." He gently pushed her away and left, without a single goodbye.

Jenna watched as the smaller her started to cry and turn to their mother. "Mommy, please. Tell daddy to come back," she sniffled and walked up to her.

But she pushed little Jenna away angrily with unneeded force, causing the little girl to fall back. "Shut up! This is all your fault, you know that?"

"Don't listen to her," Jenna choked out. "It's not your fault."

But of course, her memories couldn't hear her, just break her heart even more. "I'm sorry, mommy." The little girl cried.

"You're the reason my life is so screwed over! You and your brother," she yelled. "But this all started after you were born. Why the hell do you want to ruin my fucking life!"

She reached over and started to hit the little girl in the face while she continued to yell. "I loved him! And thanks to you his gone."

Jenna brought her hands over her ears as she tried to block out the screaming from her mother and her own begging and pleading from the floor. She knew this was going to happen. But she couldn't stop it. She couldn't move. All she could do was stand there and listen while her mother did the unspeakable.

"Stop!" She heard her smaller self scream. "Stop it!" The volume of the yelling increased until she finally realized she was the one screaming, her hands gripping at the sides of her head.

"Stop it! Just stop it!"

"Jenna! Please, wake up!" Jenna blinked her eyes open. She saw Dr. Wok and Ms. Haman standing over her, looking worried. Jenna sat up, her body feeling soaked in sweat, her breath coming in heavy gasps. She was back in Degrassi, and for the first time, was glad.

"Jenna, are you alright?" Dr. Wok asked.

Ms. Haman picked up a water bottle and handed it to Jenna. "Drink this."

Jenna took a large gulp of water gratefully. "Thanks. What happened?"

Dr. Wok spoke up. "During your hypnotism you started to tremor and scream. Your dream led you to a bad memory."

She gaped at him. "You know?"

"Don't you worry about it Jenna. Just relax."

"Do you need anything?" Ms. Haman asked.

"Just a minute to think," she told them. "I feel a little dizzy."

Dr. Wok nodded. "Of course." He stood up and glanced over at Ms. Haman. "Ms. Haman, I need to have a word with you out in the hall."

She looked hesitant for a minute before complying. "Yes, sir." They both exited immediately, leaving Jenna alone with her thoughts in the quiet room.

She sat back, trying to calm her heartbeat down. Why in the world, out of all the memory's she could've had, have to go to the one she never wanted to remember again? Now the doctors knew, and it would be almost impossible now for her to convince them she wasn't absolutely insane and beyond help.

She glanced at the clock and saw it was only nine fifteen. How could something that felt like forever only take about fifteen minutes?

_What are you doing, Stupid? Hurry up and get it!_

Jenna blinked, almost surprised that the voices had returned. It made her wonder why they weren't in here dreams or memories.

"Where were you?" She asked. "You could've warned me not to go down that tunnel!"

_It's not my fault your gullible and stupid. _

"Well, for once I could've used your help!"

_Well I'm helping you now! Get the lighter!_

Jenna had completely forgotten about the lighter. She was actually pretty confused why the voices wanted her to get it so bad anyway. But, if she wanted K.C.'s help, then she'd have to do it. And do it quickly.

She looked around, making sure there wasn't a Simon standing around keeping guard. She heard muffled voices from behind the door and knew Ms. Haman and Dr. Wok were still deep in conversation. She'd have to be quickly though if she didn't want to get caught.

Taking a deep breath, Jenna stood up and walked around the doctor's desk. She glanced around, not seeing the lighter. Nervously looking up again, she rethought what she was doing.

_Dumbo! Check the drawers!_

Jenna bent down quickly and opened up the top drawer. Papers. The next one, she saw items like iPods and cellphones sitting on top of some folders. She started fingering through some of the items when she noticed something bright silver. She picked it up and instantly knew it was K.C.'s lighter.

"Yes," she mumbled. She was about to close the drawer when she noticed the foloder in the drawer had a red stamp on it. Curious, she pulled it out. The red stamp read, 'dismissed under the DC'. What's the DC, Jenna wondered. She saw the name on the folder and gaped at it. This was Peter's folder! Hang on a second, last time she checked, he'd been getting in to more trouble than usual. Why the hell would they be dismissing him of all people?

She heard the knob to the door turn and Dr. Wok's voice became very clear. "I don't know, Ms. Haman. Maybe the DC would be good for her as well." Oh no!

_Get moving!_

Jenna stuffed the folder back in the drawer before closing it and raced back to the sofa, slipping the lighter in her pocket. Just as she did Dr. Wok came in.

"Thank you so much for your cooperation, Jenna," he said, smiling. "You may leave now."

Jenna nodded and stood up, trying to act normal. "Thank you, Dr. Wok." Jenna walked out of the room, waving to Ms. Haman and down the hall. The second she turned the corner she leaned up against the wall, trying to calm herself. Something didn't seem right. The hypnotism, peter getting dismissed… What did all of that mean? Because it sure as hell didn't make sense.

_Stay out of it!_

Jenna agreed with the voices this time. Last time she got curious and decide to be noisy got her in a lot of trouble with Bianca. She couldn't afford to get in anymore, especially when it included doctors that could do things three times as worse than Bianca. And considering what Bianca could and would do to Jenna that was terrifying.

*~/*~/*~/*~

9:20 p.m.

"Wow," Clare said, pulling out some magazines from the bottom. She leaned back up against the wall on the side of her bed. "I didn't know they let you read comics like these in here."

"They don't," Adam replied, pulling out two more and handing one to Eli who was seated quietly in his position on the floor. "But luckily they were easy to sneak in."

The three were sitting in Clare's room that night, deciding to spend time reading comics after dinner. Bianca wasn't there, as usual, and Clare had actually been hoping for some company. Adam was great, and Eli wasn't all that bad either, once you got used to his silence.

It had been a long first few days for Clare, but today it seemed the drama had taken a break and things were pretty quiet around Degrassi. At least for a little while she could enjoy herself and time with her new friends.

She started fingering through the comic book she had picked up. It was called _The Knife_, which she had actually read before. Not a lot of gore, just a slightly supernatural detective story. It deep, but a collectable item making it expensive. She'd only read some previews online before, but reviews said it'd been a great series.

"How do you get these, anyway?"

Adam shrugged. "Drew's dad works for some publishing company for graphic images and he gets free samples. Since he doesn't read them he just gives them to me."

"What does your brother do all day, anyway?" She asked, sitting the book down next to her. "I only ever see him in Group or class."

"Bianca," Eli replied from the floor. "He's almost always with Bianca."

Adam nodded. "Yeah, he usually is."

"But where do they go?"

Adam shrugged. "I don't know. They're every and nowhere all at the same time."

Clare realized that Adam probably meant that she didn't want to know where they were all the time. She guessed it had something to do with the fact they seemed to do nothing but cause problems anyway. Best to stay away from that.

The room fell into silence again and Clare picked up the comic book and started to find where'd she left off from the internet. She knew it had something to do with Detective Akins found his second victim in the alley of a restaurant after losing track of the killer. She'd remember anticipating the revealing of the culprit, and solving the crime.

"Oh, dammit!" Adam said, dropping the comic book in his hand. "I forgot!"

"What?" Clare asked while Eli adverted his eyes toward Adam who had jumped to his feet.

"Nothing," he said quickly. "I just remembered I have to go." Adam grabbed the box full of comics. "I'll get the rest tomorrow. Bye." And like that, he was out the door, leaving Clare alone with Eli.

"I wonder what that was about," Clare mumbled. She looked over the edge of the bed toward Eli who was now staring up at her. She gulped. "Do you know?"

Eli shook his and got up to sit on the bed. Clare stiffened a bit as Eli started to stare at the book in her hands. "That was a really good story," he said.

"You read it?"

He nodded. "I like how the knife had a deeper meaning than just a weapon for killing the victims."

"Really? There's more to it, you think?" She asked, her full attention now on Eli. "I thought it was just because the Knife is the reason the killer is caught."

Eli shook his head. "No, there's more meaning to it than that. You see, the knife is actually representing the key to his memories. His memories are the wounds, and the killer ends up tying his life with the lives and murders of the dead people. The more the murderer finds a way to get to him, the deeper he sticks the key into the most painful part of Dectective Akins wounds, his memories. Something his locked away for good, or so, he thought he did."

"We all think we can hide the past away," he continued, his voice growing darker, sadder. "We think we can lock our deepest and most scarring wounds away in the back of our memories and forget them. Throw away the key and get on with what's left with our lives, but we can't. There's always someone or something that has an extra key. And they'll turn the lock every which way to get you to open up. Just like what a killer does with his knife. He slowly stabs you with it, turning it deeper inside your wound. Your screaming and telling them to stop, but that's not going to happen. They already know what makes you tick, then they go for what they want. And they always win, even if you survive, because the scars are still there. And now you don't know where to hide or what to do. And no matter how much you try to cover up that scar, _you_ always know its there, and it's always going to be there."

Clare stared at Eli, feeling this wave of anger and sadness coming from him. Her heart felt heavy, and her mind numbed. Time seemed to stop for a split second when he finished talking, as if the universe had to take in what he said.

"Did… Did that happen to you?" She asked tensely, finding her voice.

His dark eyes stared at her, unreadable. Just as if they were staring straight into her soul. "She'd dead now," he finally said, and Clare almost felt her heart skip a beat. What was he talking about? "But it doesn't matter now. She's gone, and all that's left are scars and wounds that I just can't heal. What about you?"

Clare gulped. "Huh?"

"I asked, what about you. What are your deepest wounds Clare? Where are your scars. You have to have them, 'cause you're here after all."

Clare's mouth felt dry, her mind spun slightly. Should she tell him? …No, she couldn't. These were her secrets, ones she'd keep forever. "I can't tell you."

Eli leaned forward, dangerously close to her face. "Good. Don't tell anyone, even if you think they're worth it. Because the blood you lose, you'll never get back. And that'll leave you weak and defenseless. Then, no one will need a knife to finish you off." He added, his voice low, quiet. A second later, Eli stood up, grabbing the remaining comics from the floor and left.

Clare took a deep breath, realizing she had been holding it for a long time. Her body felt like it had been ravaged, drained of everything. What Eli said made sense. She had locked herself up and thrown away the key, but what if someone found it. What if they learned her darkest secrets and her deepest wounds. She felt like she was already losing blood, and she needed to compose herself.

Eli didn't know. No one did. For now she was safe, and she sure as hell wasn't going to open up for anyone. They were her wounds and she'd find a way to heal them. But for now, she'd just hide them from everyone and pray that the blood loss wouldn't be too bad.


	8. Hospital Qualms

**Yeah, I know, it's been forever. But it's been a LONG couple of months. Hell, my ferret from childhood just died a few hours ago…**

**But I think I'm good at writing while in a dark place, since I was able to finish this. **

**Well, review. Maybe I'll recover a bit from your support.**

* * *

><p><strong>*~**~*/*~***

**Chapter 8: Hospital Qualms**

***~*/*~*/*~***

* * *

><p>Owen smoothed down his hair and checked his watch for the eighth time. The bell for lunch had rung fifteen minutes ago and not only was he hungry, he was anxious. She walked down this hallway to go to the lunch room every day and she was late today, not that he'd been watching her or anything like that. He just knew because that's what happens when you're cooped up in the same place with the same people for so long.<p>

He sighed, checking his watch again. Where was she? Was she skipping lunch today? No, her friends wouldn't let her do that. She came here every day, even if she didn't want to.

All he wanted to do was talk to her. He never got a chance in Group or during class. She was like a freaking mouse he just couldn't catch, no matter how good of a hunter he was, or how better at it he got. Impossible… She was uncatchable… So why did he keep trying?

Giggles brought him from his trance and he glanced down the hall, his heart leaping slightly at the beautiful Anya walking down the hall with her friends close behind.

Finally, he thought, putting a cool expression on his face and leaning up against the wall.

"Can you believe Michael did that to Ms. Corad?" Fiona said, her curls bouncing as she walked.

Holly J laughed. "Definitely. I mean, he's had an attitude all week. It was just about time before he went off like that on someone."

Anya nodded, Owen almost knocked back by her smile. "I know right! I mean, it's one thing to get angry, but he just got into a fight with her and literally threw that laptop across the room for no reason!"

"His face was priceless," Holly j mused. "And so were Ms. Corad's shrieks. They were both acting ridiculous the entire time. I mean, she didn't have to call for a lockdown in the class."

"Well she is a new teacher…."

Fiona rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but now we're going to get all the cold stuff at lunch. Ew."

As the girls walked closer, Owen pushed himself from the wall, stopping their conversation. "Hey there, Anya," he said, giving her a smile. "How's it going?"

"Oh," she said, not sounding excited at all to see him. Quite the opposite actually. "Hey, Owen."

"Why are you here Owen?" Holly J asked, giving him the same dark look Fiona was, only slightly more angry.

"I'm stuck here just like the rest of us, that's why," he said. God, he couldn't stand Holly J. Out of everyone in this entire nut house, she was the only one that literally got him boiling. "And I was talking to Anya, thank you."

"Well frankly, Owen, I don't want to talk to you," she said coldly. Ouch, that hurt. "Why don't you just leave?"

"Why so cold, Anya?" He asked, giving her a pout. "All I want to do is talk," he glanced at her friends then added, "alone."

She shrugged. "Well, good luck with that." Anya, Fiona and Holly J all turned toward the lunchroom and disappeared through the double doors without another word.

And just like always, he missed the catch.

Sighing, Owen went into the loud lunchroom and to the line, grabbing himself some fruit since he'd sort of lost his appetite after being rejected from Anya for the millionth time. Exiting the line, he saw Anya sitting at her usually table with Holly J and Fiona, laughing and joking around. He couldn't help but feel angry while looking at the three. He had a feeling that the only reason Anya didn't agree to go out with him is because of her friends. Getting them out of the way would be like removing chewing gum from hair. Just about impossible.

He sighed, knowing he couldn't stand there staring forever. He looked around the cafeteria, trying to find a place to sit. He noticed Bianca sitting on the second level of cafeteria seats and started toward there. When he reached the table, he saw Bobby sleeping, and Drew lazily playing with the food on his tray. As he sat down, Bianca barely acknowledged him, due to her listening to Imogen ramble on about God knows what.

He still couldn't believe to two girls were best friends. For some reason, they just didn't seem to fit with each other. Bianca was hard boiled, she didn't get close to anyone. She needed to be on top and show no weakness to anyone. Not even Drew.

But then there's Imogen, miss psychotics anonymous. She was absolutely insane, and everyone knew it. Something just wasn't right with her, and she was all over the place. Talkative, bouncy, intelligent, and oh so very annoying.

But somehow, they worked it out. And not only were they best friends, they made some unstoppable team. The two combined so well, like bread and butter. It was complicated on the outside, but so simple and smooth in their eyes.

"Hold up a second," Bianca said, shaking her head. "Let me get this straight, you are planning on faking an eating disorder just to get into the 'Eater's Anonymous' meetings?"

"What?" Owen said, his mouth dropping open. "You're doing what?"

Imogen nodded. "I'm faking an eating disorder. I have to get into that meeting."

"I think it's ridiculous," Drew mumbled, taking in a spoonful of mash potatoes.

"Definitely," Bianca said. "I mean, you can't seriously think you could pull it off. And why in the hell do you have to do it anyway?"

"I need to get into the minds of the true Bulimics and anorexics," Imogen started explaining. "You know, help me with my research. And I haven't even eaten since Katie told me about it."

At the mention of Katie, Owen noticed Drew freeze a little. His dark brown eyes glanced towards the girls, his facial expression, worried. But within a second, it was gone. Owen had to wonder what that was about, or whether it was really anything at all. Had he just imagined that?

Bianca obviously hadn't, because she just shook her head at Imogen. "See, talk like that is what's keeping you locked up in here."

Imogen shrugged. "Well, I guess I can't do anything about that. So anyway, will you guys help?"

"I have to go," Drew said suddenly, standing up. He grabbed his tray and was gone without even an explanation.

"What's up with him?" Imogen asked, staring odd in the direction Drew had disappeared into the crowd of students.

Bianca shrugged. "Who knows?" She dropped her empty milk carton onto the hard linoleum floor, dismissing the Drew situation with a wave of her hand. "Back to the eating disorder thing…"

Owen shook his head. "Well, count me out. I got in enough trouble last month helping you break into Deedee's room for a stupid hairpin that you swore she stole."

"It's my favorite one," Imogen defended, pointing to the bright yellow butterfly hairpin sitting neatly on her head. "And I really did think she took it."

"Stop talking about the ridiculous hairpin and let's get back to the eating disorder thing!" Bianca yelled, obviously frustrated.

Owen looked over and saw Holly and two burly Simons who had previously been conversing, glance over. Their eyes laid suspiciously on the three.

"Can you keep your voice-," but he was quickly interrupted by Imogen.

"Okay, they're looking," Imogen whispered harshly. "Just play it up, like we're acting in a play or something."

Imogen jumped out of her seat before Bianca or Owen could say anything and moaned loudly. Then, without warning, she clutched her stomach and doubled over. Owen stood up, and a second later, Imogen collapsed to the floor, making a loud thud as she hit the linoleum near the crushed milk carton.

Bianca stood up at this point and screamed. "Imogen!" The occupants nearby stopped their lunch and conversations to observe the random scene. Bianca got down on her knees next to the fallen girl. Owen, not knowing whether they were still acting or not, hurried around the table and knelt down next to the girls.

"Imogen, wake up," Bianca said, shaking Imogen's shoulders.

Holly came over, worry written all over her face. The Simons followed, the suspicious glares refusing to falter even in the slightest.

"Imogen," Holly said, trying to wake the still girl.

"Is she okay?" Bianca asked.

Imogen moved slightly, and then groaned.

"Let's get her out of her so she can get some air. Simons, go get the nurse. Owen, help me get her up."

Owen nodded and helped lift up Imogen by hooking her right arm around his neck. Holly did the same and Bianca bent down and picked up her friend's glasses which had fallen off. The students watched as they escorted Imogen out of the cafeteria and sat her down on the little bench outside the double doors in the hall.

As Holly started talking to the spaced out Imogen, Owen was still wondering if this was real or not. If it was, he had to admit, Imogen and Bianca were two hell of good actresses. He wasn't even sure if he was acting or really worried. He was sort of, just there.

The nurse came running around the corner, young and plump, her blonde brown hair up in a messy bun and a water bottle in her hand. Nurse Helga came down the hall too, rolling a wheelchair. Owen swore she looked exactly like Mrs. Man from that one movie…

"What happened?" Nurse Dakota asked, while giving Imogen some water.

"I'm not sure," Bianca said. "We were talking and she fainted." Bianca glanced at Owen for conformation and he nodded vigorously, not sure what to say.

Imogen started to come to, blinking her eyes open. "Ugh… what happened?"

"That's what we want to know," Holly said. "Imogen, why did you pass out? Are you really sick?"

Imogen shook her head. "No, I-I just haven't eaten in a few days…"

"Well, why haven't you been eating?" Nurse Dakota asked, setting down the water bottle.

"Because I'm fat, and I just don't want to eat," she answered bluntly.

Holly crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Imogen."

"Do you suffer from an eating disorder?" The nurse asked. "Or previously have?"

"No, she hasn't," Holly answered, annoyance evident in her voice.

"Really though!" Imogen insisted and looked at Bianca. "I really haven't been eating, have I?"

Bianca nodded, a frown set on her face. "Yeah, and she's been talking all that crazy talk for days now. I'm actually really worried."

Holly looked at Nurse Dakota. "Well, what do you think?"

"She looks pale," she said, putting the back of her hand up against Imogen's forehead. "And she's a little warm. I think maybe I'll take her in and you can set up a session with her to talk about it."

Holly shook her head. "We can't. We're all booked for eating disorders for the whole week."

"There's the Eater's Anonymous Meeting tomorrow," Imogen said suddenly. "I could go to that."

"I don't know…" Holly started unsure, glancing around.

"I like the idea," Nurse Dakota said smiling. "I'll keep Imogen in the office for a few hours, keep a watch on her, and in the meantime you can sign her up for the meeting tomorrow."

Holly opened her mouth, still shocked. Owen did the same, surprised beyond belief that Imogen had actually gotten away with her ridiculous plan.

Nurse Helga helped Imogen into the wheelchair and wheeled her off toward the infirmary with Nurse Dakota right behind.

Holly shook her head and sighed. "I swear, that girl gets crazier and crazier every day."

"You're telling me," Owen and Bianca said, simultaneously.

Holly turned and faced the two, then her eyes locked onto Bianca. "Bianca, why don't you come with me to my office and have a little talk?"

Bianca rolled her eyes. "What for this time?"

Holly sighed, obviously annoyed. "Listen, Bianca, if you come to my office and let us have a nice, calm chat, then I'll give you a pass to go to the infirmary with Imogen so you can return her glasses and you can even stay there for the rest of class time. Does that appeal a little more to you?"

Bianca shrugged and followed Holly down the hallway towards her office. Owen was left there, still wondering how the hell they had pulled this off…

"Hey, Owen," a voice said, snapping him out of his thoughts. Owen turned and was surprised to see Anya standing there.

"Hey," she said. "I came here because I saw Imogen faint and I wanted to know if she was okay."

Owen gulped, tongue tied for a second before nodding. "Uh, yeah, she's fine. Just went to the nurse because of an… eating disorder."

Anya's eyes went wide. "Imogen… has an eating disorder?" She said in disbelief. "When…?"

Owen shook his head. "Better not to ask."

Anya nodded in agreement, remembering it was Imogen. "You're right about that."

There was an awkward silence for a moment, neither of them knew what to say next. Owen had always wanted a chance to get to talk to her without her friends hanging around, but now that he had the chance, he had no idea what to say.

"So," he started. "Um, are you headed back to the cafeteria?"

Anya shook h her head, her eyes focusing on the wall. "No. I'm not hungry. I sort of used Imogen as an excuse to get out of there. My friends are suffocating sometimes."

Owen nodded in agreement. "Definitely." He looked at the clock. Lunch was over in about twenty minutes. "So, did you want to come to the weight room with me?"

"I don't usually lift weights," she said, finally looking at Owen.

"We can start small," he encouraged. "Pump up on some Gatorade and lift some dumbbells. We can start with the two pounders if you want."

She smiled, maybe even almost laughed. "Hey, I can pull a three-pounder."

Owen smiled to himself, finally getting the perfect hook, and this time his chance couldn't possibly be ruined. "Well, let's see what you can do."

She smiled and followed him to the weight room. Owen had finally made the catch. He just hoped no one would cut his line.

* * *

><p>*~*~/*~

* * *

><p>Eli continued to stare into the mirror. Just stare. That's it, nothing to it. How long had he'd been staring? He had no idea. Since the beginning of lunch? Well, he hadn't been paying attention or really cared. For the last however, he'd been staring at the mirror, totally spaced out. That was a good thing. Thinking too much was too painful. Then why did he do it so much?<p>

And once again, he started to think of her. Her face, her smell, her laugh… He could swear her presence was right there with him. He missed her so much… Why did she have to die? It should've been him. It was all his fault, and she shouldn't of had to pay for his mistake.

Angry, Eli clenched his fist and punched the countertop as hard and as viciously as he could. Why the hell was he thinking about it? He'd been thinking a lot about her lately… Did it mean something? Did she still hate him? Of course she did, but he hated himself too.

He punched the counter top again, and again. He continued to do so until the pain was just too much. He pulled his hand back, feeling tears threaten his eyes. He wouldn't cry, he refused. He'd cried too much in the past. Seemed like he did a lot of things just a little 'too much'.

The lunch bell rang, signaling it was over. He still had an appointment with Ms. Haman, and he knew how much trouble he'd get in if he missed it.

He sighed and turned on the faucet. He held his sore knuckles under the rushing cold water for a moment before exiting the bathroom. Eli started down the hallway towards Ms. Haman's office. He hoped the session would go fast. He didn't feel like talking, or rather, he didn't feel like being pounded with questions he never planned on answering…

Eli felt himself walk straight into someone. "Ouch! Watch it!"

He looked down and saw Bianca standing there, rubbing her forehead. "Why don't you watch where you're going?" She countered.

Elisaw the angry look she was giving him, but he didn't take it personally since she gave almost everyone that look. "Sorry," he mumbled.

With narrowed eyes Bianca crossed her arms over her chest. "Where are you headed anyways?"

Eli sighed. "It's none of your business," he said, standing his ground. Of all the people in the world, he wasn't going to let Bianca try and intimidate him. "But if you have to know, I'm going to go see Ms. Haman."

Bianca let out a snort. "Heh, okay. But I guess I should warn you, Ms. Beauty Queen is not in a very good mood," she said, flipping her long curly hair over her shoulder. "I would've left if she didn't promise I could skip class."

"Oh really?' He asked in a monotone voice. "Why is that?" Why was he even asking when he really didn't care? Maybe because he'd rather be talking to Bianca than having a conversation with a therapist. No offense to Ms. Haman, who was a good person and all, but she was still like the other doctors around here. Looking to pry deeper and deeper into everyone's wounds, either looking for a cure or a stopping point, or waiting until they bled out and it was obvious they weren't getting any more information from them. What did they do with their patients after that? Tossed them aside in the nearest whole and move on to the next patient in line for the same fate.

"Yeah. Imogen fainted in the cafeteria and Ms. Haman said I could sit in the nurses office with her for the rest of class."

"That's what all the commotion at lunch was about?" Eli asked, a bit more interested while recalling the events earlier that had students all crowded in one area of the cafeteria. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine," Bianca replied, glancing up and down the hall. "It was just her 'eating disorder' catching up with her."

Eli blinked, confused. Imogen Moreno was known as the psychopath around here. Not another person with an eating disorder. "What…?"

Bianca shook her head. "Don't ask."

Eli was about to say something else but the door at the other end of the hall swung open and Ms. Haman stepped into view. She saw Eli and smiled.

"Eli, you're here. Why don't you come in?" She said, motioning to the door. She looked at Bianca with less kindness in her eyes. "Bianca, I thought I told you…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Bianca said in a rude dismissive tone. "I'm heading to the nurse."

"I'll be calling the nurses office!" Ms. Haman called as Bianca strutted off down the hallway and out of view.

Ms. Haman's eyes rested on Eli. "Well, let's get started. Don't want to keep you from class for too long."

Yet Bianca can skip the rest of class, Eli thought as he followed Ms. Haman into her office. The second in walked in the smell of popery and other spices hit him hard. They reminded him od the baskets of popery his grandmother brought to his mom on holidays. He closed the door behind him and examined the room he'd been in dozens of times before. The walls were a light tan color and painted pictures of fruits and diplomas hung in random assortments on the walls.

Ms. Haman walked behind her mahogany desk and up to the large window behind it. Bright afternoon sunlight was filtering into the room and shining onto the items of the room. Eli walked over to the leather chair set in front of the desk and sat down as Ms. Haman closed the blinds, the room becoming slightly darker and the shine leaving the most of the surfaces.

The therapist sat at her desk and locked eyes with Eli. He tensed slightly, knowing fully well what to expect but also not sure how to respond to it.

"So," she started, a soft smile on her lips. "How are you Eli?"

He shrugged. "Fine."

Holly picked up her pencil and scribbled in her notebook. She then sat it down and clicked the small tape-recorded on and cleared her throat.

"Listen, Eli, the reason I called you here today is because I wanted to talk to you about…" She paused, stopping to think for a second before talking again. "About the accident."

With those last few words, Eli felt a rush of emotions hit him like a train speeding down the tracks. Instantly everything came back to him as if it were actually happening to him again. The sound of screeching tiles and crunching metal… her screaming and his heartbeat which seemed to be pounding and blowing out his eardrums. Then, darkness… so much darkness…

"Eli!"

Immediately his eyes snapped open and Eli was greeted by the sight of Ms. Haman standing behind her desk looking worried.

He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to compose himself. He also wanted to forget, but he knew he wouldn't. He'd never forget that night.

"Are you all right?" Ms. Haman asked. "What happened?"

He shrugged nonchalantly and stood up. "Nothing happened. I'm just… tired. I'm going to go now."

"Wait," Ms. Haman said, stopping Eli at the door. "Did you remember something about the accident?"

"No! No, I didn't!" He shouted angrily then swung the door open. He sighed then mumbled, "I can't remember anything," before exiting the office and leaving Ms. Haman standing there, stunned.

* * *

><p>*~*~/*~

* * *

><p>"Bus."<p>

"Cataract."

"Dog."

"Elephantitis."

"Eww."

Imogen sat up a little more and shook her head. "No, your word supposed to start with a 'F'."

Bianca rolled her eyes as she leaned back in the chair next to Imogen. They were in the nurses office, and it'd already been an hour and both girls were quite bored out of their minds. Imogen had selected to play the alphabet game, but the always seemed to end up getting sidetracked when Bianca didn't know a word Imogen had said and called foul. Imogen should've known that playing a word game with Bianca was a pretty bad idea.

"I know, I was saying eww to Elephantitis," she clarified, taking a pixie stick of the end table next to Imogen's bed. "I'm so going to get fat off of these things."

"I thought you didn't eat a lot of candy?"

Bianca shrugged. "I don't, but pixie sticks are my weakness." She tore the top off and bent her head back to taste the pixilated candy fall into her mouth.

Imogen sighed and looked at the magazine in her lap, reading TMZ's cover on Snookie's pregnancy and the publicity 'Iron Lady' was getting.

"I don't get what that even means," Bianca said, pointing the partially empty pixie stick at the picture of Iron Lady, causing a few fragments of the dusted candy to filter into the air and onto the magazine cover.

Imogen dusted it off. "I think it's a movie or something." She started fingering through the thin pages of the magazines to look for conformation.

"Do you really think you're going to get away with this?" Bianca asked in a lower tone.

Imogen shrugged. "I guess. As long as Drew and Owen don't say anything." She closed the magazine, getting bored with her search. "You don't think they will, right?"

Bianca shook her head, taking another swig of her pixie stick. "No. Owen's not a loud mouth and Drew, well, he's too preoccupied to care."

"Preoccupied with what?" Imogen asked, grabbing another magazine from the basket on the end table.

Bianca shrugged. "Eh, I don't know. He disappears every now and then and he doesn't tell me where he goes or what he does."

Imogen nodded and the room fell into silence as Bianca went for another pixie stick and Imogen started reading through the Soap Opera of the week. A few moments later Nurse Dakota walked in with a small tray of treats. The tray had bags of candy and different chips and two cans of purple pop on it. She set the tray down at the foot of the bed, smiling brightly.

"I hope you girls are hungry," she said. "And Imogen, I also need to take your temperature and blood pressure now."

Imogen nodded and sat up as Nurse Dakota came around the right side of her bed and put a thermometer in her mouth and wrapped her arms with the blood pressure bag.

Bianca bent over and took a bag of Cheetos off the tray and examined it. "Hey, this isn't that off-brand stuff they sell in the cafeteria and the vending machines."

Nurse Dakota shook her head as she started to squeeze the wrap around Imogen's arm. "No. That stuff is disgusting. I had to request that Dr. Wok order us shipments of regular tasting food."

Bianca smiled as she opened the bag and stuffed some Cheetos in her mouth. "Wow… I'm going to get fat sitting in here."

"Do you have to eat everything?" Imogen asked, feeling a small knot in her stomach at the sight of Bianca eating and feeling a tight pressure on her upper arm.

"Hey, thanks to you, lunch was a no-go for me. SO don't blame me for starving to death."

Nurse Dakota smiled and took the wrap off of Imogen's arm. "Well, Bianca, what a wonderful friend you are. Feel free to come to the office anytime to get a little snack." Nurse Dakota took the thermometer out of Imogen's mouth, glanced at it, then through the plastic tip into the trash. "You're temperature and blood pressure are both normal, but you still need to eat," he said, pointing to the food. "Don't let your friend here eat it all."

Imogen nodded. "I won't." She grabbed a bag of chips and opened them, taking one out and flashing it near her mouth for Nurse Dakota to see.

The nurse nodded and walked out. Imogen ate the chip then rolled the bag and dropped it back onto the tray. Bianca saw this and let out a giggle.

"Putting on a show for the staff today, huh?"

Imogen shook her head. "Not just that. When you don't eat for a while, your stomach starts to shrink and it's not able to take a lot of food at once. Barely any in fact depending on the how long you gone without food."

"Which is?"

"Exactly forty-four hours." The next magazine Imogen pulled out was last week's Soap Scope edition. She started fingering through the pages to find the one for Hospital Qualms, which was her favorite but she never got time to watch it on TV.

Bianca went for another pixie stick, ripped it open and dumped the candy into her mouth. "Lucky. They'll probably end up rolling me out of the office at this rate." She dropped the wrapper into the wastebasket and started again at the Cheetos.

Imogen nodded, and then asked, "So, what's up with the whole Jenna thing?"

Bianca sucked on the tips of her fingers before responding with, "nothing much yet, why?"

"Because I thought you'd be on top of it," Imogen told her as if she should know. Then she glanced around and lowered her voice so they're conversation wouldn't be overheard by the staff or students outside. "Get your butt up and close the door. We need to talk."

Imogen watched as Bianca got up out of her chair and walked to the door which connected the small patient room to the rest of the nurses office. Imogen knew that there were a couple other patient rooms, along with the waiting room where the nurse treated most of the quick-solve ailments and then behind the nurses work station which was where the 'lab' was. All chemicals and medicine and medical equipment were kept there.

Bianca sat back down but not before dropping the empty bag of Cheetos and picking up a bag of Fritos. She opened them, leaned back, and gave Imogen her full attention. "So, what you got?"

"Okay, so when they wheeled me in here, Nurse Dakota and Nurse Helga were stopped by Marisol and…"

"Marisol?" Bianca interrupted her. "The chick with the pain thing?"

Imogen nodded quickly. "Yeah, she's one of the nurse's assistants when she's doing well."

"Guess they only use goody-two-shoes they trust to be assistants around here, huh?"

"Yeah, okay, stop interrupting me," Imogen told her and Bianca shut up by putting another chip in her mouth.

"Anyways, Marisol started going on to them about how one of the senior assistants, David…"

Bianca interrupted her again. "David Yuke? The sexy one?"

Imogen rolled her eyes. "Yes, the sexy one! Stop interrupting!"

Bianca put her hands up defensively. "Sorry, just making sure."

Imogen sighed heavily and continued. "So apparently, David, the sexy one, made a mistake in the order for medication and they got a double shipment of Vicodin, Sedates, E-pills and even the pills that contain a big content of well…THC!"

Bianca blinked as Imogen paused, the girl expecting something to come from her curly haired friend. But she got nothing in return but a confused look.

"Um… Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Come on Bianca, think back to our chemistry lesson," Imogen said. "If you weren't sleeping that is. What else contains THC?"

Bianca seemed to think for a moment, continuing to eat from the bag of chips in her hand. "Umm… let's see… THC… makeup products?"

Imogen let out a loud, audible grunt and shoved her face into her pillow, almost ready to scream. This was her best friend.

"Well tell me!" Bianca demanded, fully curios now. "What is it?"

"It's the main ingredient to Marijuana," Imogen told her.

Bianca's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious?" Bianca stood up. "So you're telling me that in that room right over there, is probably the largest amount of marijuana in a five hundred mile radius of this place!"

"Shh!" Imogen said, motioning for Bianca to sit back down. "Do you want the whole school to here you?"

Bianca sighed. "I can't believe this. Think of the parties, or better yet, how much we could sell this stuff for… I could even pay some outstanding debts from outside this place…"

"Not if you blow it!" Imogen said, glancing at the door. "I really hope they didn't hear you."

Bianca waved her hand dismissively and grabbed the empty bag of Lays chips and threw them into the trash. Next she grabbed her black bag and pulled out her black hand mirror and glanced her face over.

"What are you doing?" Imogen asked.

Bianca smiled brightly and put the mirror back into her purse and headed for the door. "Let's just say I have a little appointment with a blonde birdy that's going to make my life a whole lot more interesting." She opened the door and shut it behind her with a loud bang.

Imogen shook her head and sat back, getting the feeling that things were starting to get interesting here at Degrassi, and she was probably going yo be in the center of it somehow. She guessed that she might as well enjoy the quiet time she had in the nurse's office while she still had had.

She went back to her magazine, hoping to find something on Dr. Adams and Nurse Lily's relationship progress since last week.


	9. The Monster in the Mirror

**_~Chapter Nine: The Monster in the Mirror~_**

"Okay, you guys, the topic of the day is… mirrors."

Bianca made the loudest, most exasperated sigh as she rolled her eyes and slacked back in her chair. "Oh, my god!"

Clare looked around the room. Usually, most of the group looked bored and uninterested. This morning had started off no different, with Bianca and Ali making snide comments to each other, Jenna was staring down at her fingers and Eli was silent as usual. And the new girl, Imogen, was staring studiously around the crowd, not seeming to care if other's noticed her staring.

But, the second Holly mentioned mirror, everyone else tensed up, as if there was a coming storm that Clare had missed the news report to.

Holly sighed. "Okay, this time we are _all _going to participate in this." She glanced at Bianca who had kicked her Legs over Drew's crisscrossed and smiled.

"Bianca, seems you seem so eager to speak, you will start." She told her. "Tell us, what do you see when you look in the mirror?"

"Nothing." She replied. "I'm a vampire."

"That's believable," Ali muttered. Connor and Dave both started laughing.

"Shut up, Bendari," Bianca hissed.

"Stop it now," Holly said, and then focused her attention on Bianca. "Now, be serious. What do you see when you look in the mirror when you wake up in the morning."

She took her legs of Drew and sat up straight. "Ugh, I don't know. I have bedhead."

Holly nodded. "What else?"

Bianca shrugged. "I don't' know. I see myself I guess."

"Do you like what you see in the reflection, Bianca," Holly asked.

Clare saw the hesitation in Bianca. Clare didn't think there was a falter to Bianca's personality, but of course, there was. And Holly knew where it was. She couldn't believe Holly had put Bianca on blast like that. Was she going to do that with everyone? Clare wanted to mentally prepare herself, but her own answer evaded her.

Did she like what she saw in the mirror?

"Well, Bianca?"

Bianca looked away and shrugged. "I mean, I guess. Sure."

"You don't seem too guaranteed of that."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said roughly, avoiding eye contact. Clare had never seen Bianca shut herself off before. This was one of those rare moments. She should be glad she'd finally get a break from the girl's attitude, but she suddenly felt sort of bad for her.

Bianca came off to her as one of those girls who were mean to hide her own insecurities. She was pretty, and for Clare, that meant Bianca's issues resonated from her home.

Holly nodded. "Okay, then we will work on it in private." She looked at Adam and Fiona. "Adam, how are you feeling about your reflection in the mirror lately?"

"Good," he said, taking an audible gulp. "I'm… seeing more of myself now, and… less of…" he stopped himself, as if saying the next work was going to rip his tongue out of his mouth. "Her."

Holly smiled. "I'm glad. Fiona?"

"Um, it doesn't bother me," she starts, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. "I mean, I actually really love to look into the mirror. I like looking good. It's kind of like medicine. I look good on the outside, and I feel a little better on the inside. If I focus on how I look I don't focus on… other things…"

Holly nodded, waiting for Fiona to finish. "I'm glad Bianca, but looks are superficial. They aren't something that'll keep you from craving alcohol for more than a few moments a day. You've got to find other things to help you keep your mind of the things that are troubling you. But you've also got to face those things too." Holly stops and addresses the rest in the group. "That goes from everyone. Running from your problems is only a temporary solution."

She continued asking the others in the group what they saw. Clare shifts uncomfortably, feeling nervous for her turn.

"Jenna, what about you?" She asked, hopping around the circle.

Jenna looks around, almost like she was contemplating talking in front of everyone. "Ugh, well… I don't really look in the mirror… Ever…"

"When was the last time you looked?"

Jenna shrugged. "I don't know. I just know I'm not going to like what I see, so why take the time to look?"

Holly forced eyes to meet with the blonde's sad blue ones. "Listen, sweetheart, you're much to hard on yourself. Tell me, what are you afraid of seeing in your reflection?"

"Disappointment," she says quietly. "The disappointment my mom saw and… and made her leave…" Jenna started sobbing, and Ali draped her arm over her friend's shoulders. Clare couldn't help but feel a little jealous of how close they were. Clare couldn't remember having such a close friend who tried to understand her in a long time.

When Jenna stopped crying, Holly smiled at her. "I'm glad you shared that with us. I want you to talk about it more. Understand that it wasn't your fault your mom left. Don't be afraid of yourself."

Jenna sniffled. "I'll try."

"Eli," Holly says, looking at the very silent and dejected teenager next to Clare. "Tell me what you see in the mirror."

"I… see a monster," he says quietly.

There's a lot of quiet, too much, Clare thought. It's as if even the imaginary noise provided by Holly's happy demeanor silenced as Eli spoke.

Holly nods at him. "Go on."

"I hate seeing my reflection," he continues, not looking up from his lap once. "There's nothing to look forward to in the mirror. Just, some human shaped capsul of hopelessness."

Clare felt for him. She knew how it felt to feel completely hopeless. It was the worst feeling in the world. Deep down, she still felt it, but she'd be damned if she ever let anyone see it. Everyone else always felt like they could help, could make you feel like you weren't hopeless, like everything was falling apart around you and no one could stop it from happening. No one understood that this deep hollow feeling of feeling like the world was out to get you doesn't _feel fixable_. You feel like God himself wants you dead and gone, and you're nothing but a burden.

She understood. They weren't very different.

Except, Eli seemed willing to share about his feelings of despair. He was one big step ahead of her. They both felt it, but he was a whole mile ahead of her in what seemed like an endless marathon by admitting he felt this way. It gave her hope.

Could she admit it? Right here. Right now?

Holly smiled sadly at Eli. "It's alright Eli, we've all been there. _All_ of us," she emphasized, looking around at everyone. You've come a long way since you've arrived, even if you don't believe so. You've got to coax the monster out of its hiding place before we can face it and fight it."

It almost scared Clare how much sense she was making right now. Then she turned and looked right into Clare's eyes.

"You're turn, Hun," she said. "Tell me about how you see yourself in the mirror."

A few moments ago, Clare felt ready to talk. To run up beside Eli, but she froze. And she knew for certain she wouldn't be able to do it.

"Just myself," she says, trying to hide the terrified feelings from her face.

"Well do you see anything special about yourself?" She asks.

"I thought I did…" Clare said quietly. She felt her heart racing a million times a second. Everyone was looking at her, even Eli. Suddenly, she felt that pressure on her to be perfect in front of others. The same pressure that made her crumble and break down.

Holly sat back. "Okay, since Group is almost over I'm going to give you all an assignment." Clare was beyond relieved to have attention off of her.

"You are all going to look yourselves in the mirror tonight. Do it for at least ten minutes. Look really close. I want each of you to try to see if you feel like the person in the mirror staring back at you. Then, I want you to find one thing you like about who you see in the mirror. I also want you to look to see if you can find something that makes you want to run away from your reflection," she instructs. "Tomorrow morning, we are going to discuss what we saw, and apply it to ourselves. What's on the outside often leads to the inside. Our goal is to bait our monsters out of us, and face them. Sometimes that requires physical, tangible bait. Group is adjourned," she added with a smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Short and Taught. Trying to get the story on its feet. Happy New Years.<strong>


End file.
